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Dear Zelda,
Lumpy cat am have dark prophecy of evil bad super evil thing! It am involving Gonnendork, chickens annd am evil flying hippo. Flying hippo am fly next over to window last night. Me am shotgun blasting hippos am not staying awaying! Me am needing Zelda's hindsight and Lunk man's help! Beware! The evil dark super evil mega doom navy of... DUCKIES!!! Help! Kill am vermin before me am eating alive! ... I been bitten in butt buy pillsbury doughboy! AIEEEE!
Mao Tse-tung
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Dear Mao,
Hmm...This seems to be an issue. Because just last week after storming out of the castle over a brief argument about "labor", he claimed he was taking a long vacation. Where our Hero of Time has drifted off to is a mystery to even me. However, I will send the courageous Prince Marth to your aid!
...
Flying Hippo?
Zelda and Marth
Dear Zelda,
Mind teaching me some of that magic?
Aaszymandeus
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Dear Aaszymandeus,
I would just adore teaching you the great skills that I have mastered over the years in magic. However, the powers that were given to me were only to be used by those who hold the very power of the Triforce. So unless you got a spare shattered piece of Triforce lying around in your household, I don't see you performing the same magic as myself.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Are you a virgin? If not, tell me why. (This is meant to be offensive!)
Ha ha ha! I'm such a damn pervert!
Nobody
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Dear Nobody,
As perverted as you think you may be, I get that question asked a lot in my time here. And it's such a simple question to answer. You don't even have to ask -me- yourself. You could just look around. I mean seriously, look at the men I have to deal with. People like Link..or Marth. Well, not so much Marth. We -all- know why he's not of interest in that field. *coughs* But really, I don't really have much to work with here. Nor do I feel like bearing my children with any of them.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
These chicks don't even know the name of my band. ITS ME, ACCO! I' AT MY AUNT AND UNCLES HOUSE AND IT IS SSSOOO FUN HERE! I see you have finally gotten Roy over there, so Kcco sends this message to him:
ROY U ARE SEXY. I LUVE YOU ROY! WILL YOU MAKE ME YOURS? PLEASE? I LUVE YOU SO MUCH!
Those are her exact words. Strait from the E-mail she sent me. There was a little more, but it was mostly "ILL DUMP ZAKK FOR YOU" and "I LUVE YOU ROY YOU ARE SEXY". -_-;;
Anyway, here are some questions for you.
1. Did you know that the first "Slash" was a Star Trek Kirk\Spock? My uncle, whose obsessed with Star Trek as much as I am with Kenshin, nearly died when he saw that. Poor guy..... 2. Do you like Slash? 3. Did you know that I'm almost out of completely random stamens? 4. Aaaaahhhhhh? 5. Whaaaaa??? 6. Do you smoke? 7. Do you have any house plants? 8. What did you have for dinner? 9. What is your opinion on hand made towel holders with flower prints on them? 10. Have you ever been camping? 11. What will happen to you when we're gone? What will happen to you when they stop making the Legend of Zelda games and people forget about you? Will you go on living, trapped in some limbo, lonely and wishing some one would just unearth you from the box in the attic? Or will you die and go to some Video Game Heaven until someone rediscovers you? I've always wondered that, and to me its quite troubling.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
It's splendid to hear from you once again, Acco. I'm also glad to hear that you're having a fantasic time at your Uncle's house. Surely you're telling everyone about your time here and advertising my grand site yes? *nods a nodding nod*
Thank you Kcco for your gracious message to me. I know I'm sexy. But I'm not sure if there's enough of Roy to go around. You can take a number if you wish.
You are so full of yourself, Roy. I think Kcco is merely saying that so you don't feel so bad about yourself anymore. I've noticed you've been getting less and less letters from the fan world. Shame really...
...
*coughs* Oh and your questions!
1. Would you mind enlightening me what a "slash" is? 2. Yet again, enlighten me. 3. Oh surely you're creative attitude will keep itself up in the emails. You have yet to use the same old material. 4. Aaaaaah. 5. Yes. 6. No, but it's a wonder I haven't taken up on it from the stress I get here. It's a filthy habit though, I don't recommend it. 7. House plants? Are you kidding me? Not only do I have house plants, but I have a GARDEN in my castle. Beat that. 8. For dinner? It changes, really. Whatever mood fits me. But my cooks have yet to displease me in my meals. They are all rather filling. If you wish to ask what my favorite is, it has to be the Keese stew. The spices are -amazing-. 9. I say that they're a rather original addition to any style in a home. Not my cup of tea, but certainly homey and inviting. 10. Camping? Well, on the several occassions that I've been captured I've had to fend for myself. And if that means hunting my own meals, by all means. 11. Shame on you to doubt the immortality that is my existance. But if you so wish to know what would happen to me, I would say that eventually I would just end up on the shelf with the other useless game characters like Mr. Game and Watch. I mean c'mon now. Who respects that guy?
I would get more respect though.
Zelda Marth and Roy
Dear Zelda,
You mean you never put the moves on Roy?
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
Heavens no. Roy isn't quite my type. I mean sure he's got class like Marth does, but the boy is just too young. That and he's dangerously short. I always want a man a tad taller than me. That's why I'm hoping Link will..er.. Nevermind. Regardless, he's too cocky for my tastes as well. The kid think's he's Din herself.
The princess is extremely fond of me. I can tell when we're all fighting on stage and she spares me until the last second. I mean c'mon now. She -wants- us to be alone.
HAHAHAHAHA! I do that so I can have the pleasure of hearing just you scream, Roy.
...
Zelda and Roy
Dear Zelda,
You got roaches? If ya do I'll kill em'.
The Verminator
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Dear Verminator,
I appreciate your concern for the sanitary conditions of my castle. I however, don't need any assistance in keeping any kind of insects out of these walls. I do know someone in Termina who would be dying to meet you. Her name is Anju. I'm sure I've spoken of her before here. Link complained of horrid roaches floating around the Clock Town Inn. Surely you could help her with your services.
Zelda
[Webmistress note: Zelda was sent this email and it was to go to everyone apparently. So feel free to email the response to me.]
Dear everyone on the site,
1. Who's Mortivore from Saxophone's story? 2. Which Zelda game was he in? 3. Did you hear of the new Legend of Zelda game? It only has adult Link? 4. Did Ganondorf ever try to force Zelda to do her? 5. Have you ever played fire emblem7? 6. Is Mao Tse-tung clinically sane?
Nobody
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Dear Nobody,
Thank you for the questions. This gives several of my fans a chance to let me know a little about themselves. Surely the webmistress can post a few responses in the future.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Hi! I'm Talim. In an earlyer letter Link said I was Super hot. Thank you link! Just to jog you're memory I'm from Soul Caliber 2. Zelda, if you don't like the guys in Hyrule, there are plenty in Other places. Charade thinks you're pretty. Will you go out with him? That's all.
Talim
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Dear Talim,
What is this? Some kind of dating service? You think I'm single on accident?! I'm single because I really don't want a man in my life. Why are you people so concerned with me having a boyfriend?!
Oh...and tell Charade thank you very much for the compliment. I live at Hyrule Castle, Hyrule. Stop by anytime. *giggles*
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Do you have world ending powers like I do?
Armageddon Kitten
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Dear AK,
I would certainly say that I do! You sould all FEAR ME! BUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Please excuse the princess. She must have easily confused herself with me.
Zelda and Ganondorf
Dear Zelda,
Red bull give you wing! Me am happying as urinating polar bear, being me am super happy lucky today! Lumpy cat predicting dooms for this that didn't do the cool whip!
Mao Tse-tung
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Dear Mao,
...
Well Mao, it's wonderful hearing from you again. Whether I can understand you or not is beyond the matter. I see that your lumpy cat has been doing fine. What ever happened with that incident where Marth helped you? Surely he became of some assistance. Link has recently returned it seems and he wasn't in any harm at all. Which we're all thankful for.
Then why did you scream and yell and say "What are you doing back so soon?!" ?
No particular...reason...
Zelda and Link
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