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Dear Zelda,
Remember me? I was the guy with the thermonuclear Gerbils.
Your castle is in ruins! Hyrule will be mine now! If you don't send Link over here by 2:00am, in central time zone on July 4th you will perish!
I have no weakness I can not be killed Weapons will break at my feet Unquestionable Immortal I am the Avatar of Woe
Tiamat, Lord of the wastes, King of darkness, Master of evil, Hound of the resurrection, Slayer of the innocent, Devourer of Souls, Overlord of the Undead, Destroyer of Empires, Nightmare to all
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Dear Tiamat,
Well UNLUCKILY for you Link has returned from his capture and shall come smite you! And if you don't think THAT'S enough, I'm gonna send Marth, Roy, AND Ganondorf to come kick your rear end! Eat THAT Avatar of the Woe!
It would be nice if the princess actually discussed this with us first before sending us off into our doom.
I've learned to not question her. Because if you do, you disappear. *shivers*
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
I'm sorry about what happened in princess peach's castle. Next time I'll come in more then just a birthday suit.
Samus Aran
P.S. Sorry about my lackey Mao
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Dear Samus,
I guess it was about time that I recieved an apology from you. And I graciously accept it. I don't care how much of a crush that Ganondorf has on you. You're still an okay person.
...?
Zelda and Ganondorf
Dear Imposter,
I'm the REAL Zelda! You're just a wanna be poser! Why? Why do you want to pretend to be me? Do you really love me that much? Think about the children! The children!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~*The REAL Princess Zelda of Hyrule Castle*~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dear IMPOSTER,
I don't know who you think you are to say that -you- are in fact Zelda. But you're terribly wrong! I have several sources to back up my case. How about you sweetcheeks?!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Since you don't like any of the guys around you, do you like any of the girls?
Nobody
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Dear Nobody,
...
What are you implying?
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
There is a slumber party at Peach's castle. Do you want to join? Be sure to bring:
Pillows (For sleeping and fighting) Phone numbers so we can call boys Don't bring normal cloths, bring disposable ones. You'll see why... Flashlights and panty hose (to keep my brother away)
C ya! Shamika Rage
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Dear Shamika Rage,
So there's another party at Peach's castle eh? I guess I could find the time to make my way over there. I mean what party is complete without the Princess of Hyrule? Certainly not very many...
MARTH! We have a code YELLOW! Repeat! Code YELLOW at Peach's castle!
...
What in the hell are you talking about?
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
Hey! It's a-luigi. I have a certain-a question to ask-a you. I'ma having problems with my-a brother, Mario. He threw his red-a hat in with his whites and now-a they're-a all pink! Is there-a anything he can do?
Luigi
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Dear Luigi,
I don't think there's really anything you can do once whites take on another color. Especially from red. That's one of the worst colors to bleed off onto whites. I do however recommend you send some of the pink shirts, certainly not the underwear to Peach. You know how she favors pink.
...
Hell, send her the underwear too. She'd probably get a kick out of that...in a twisted way.
Zelda
Dear Link,
Surrender your hat to me, or I'll burn things! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Orange Dae
PS I'd bet Mothra could beat up Gannondork in 6 seconds flat!
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Dear Orange Dae,
I'm not about to give my prized possession away to some stranger. Especially one that writes to a place like -this-. I mean c'mon now. That hat's gone down generation after generation. That and it covers up bad hair days. Besides, I think it gives me luck too! Ever since I cleaned it, my arrows have been flying a bit straighter!
I'm sorry, but your monster moth simply has nothing against me. And Link...I don't even want to know what analogy you're trying to use about straight arrows. And you never wash your hat? HAH. Filthy pig.
Link and Ganondorf
Dear Zelda,
I created Mortivore out of the thought to make the perfect villain. Ganondorf has absolutely no power to him, therefore making him useless for my stories.
Saxophone
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Dear foolish mortal,
You have shown a lot of guts to make such a judgement on the great and powerful Ganondorf. Frankly, I think you're on a death wish. Do I seriously need to start burning down the market place and take over Hyrule castle again to show you people what you're dealing with?
Ganondorf
Dear Zelda,
Here's what happen at house with Marth...
Marth am smiting Fly Hippo, and hump TV set! He pulling out tiny thin sword that breaking on super lardy fat hippo skin. Hippo eat Marth, and come out in turd next day. I light firecracker in hippo toilet, am fly hippos leave. Me did no need Marth. All he do is hump TV.
That is thy tale of super happy hippo crap!
You am listening to me while I talk? No one ever listens!
Mao Tse-tung
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Dear Mao,
That's quite an epic you have there about Marth and the flying hippo. I find it to be more of a comedy if you ask me. Marth? You couldn't stop humping the TV?
...
There must have been a re-run of the Legend of Zelda on the TV. *beams*
...
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
That was some party last night huh? You fell asleep early, so you missed out on nekkid twister! I saw a huge smile on your face when we did that pillow fight, that is until people started having their cloths fall off. I told you to bring disposable cloths! I warned you about this, then you complained about how you didn't want to be seen in nothing but a skirt! Some had on WAY less then you. Heck, I wasn't wearing ANYTHING. That peeping tom Link showed up, and tried to sneak a peek at my party. He saw that girls only sign! Then we tied him up on a tree. When I came back I got to see that you were talking to peach. What were you talking about? Then I saw peach give her disposable dress to you, and then you dosed off. Like I said earlier, after that we played nekkid twister. Most of you went home in just your pants. I hope you liked the party. I want to know what parts you liked and disliked. I untied Link today, and he'll be going to your castle after being forced to eat 12 pounds of pickles. C ya!
Shamika Rage
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Dear Shamika Rage,
I do have to say that you really know how to party, that's for sure. I found it to be quite hilarious when Link had thought he snuck into the party. I noticed that he had dragged Marth along with him. Lucky for Marth, he escaped before anyone could tie him to a tree too. Poor Link. He's just not as quick as he used to be. The look on his face was priceless.
I did have a small discussion with Peach and we talked some things over. Mostly apologies for past instances. And she let me have an extra dress to sleep in. So she does have a soft side, despite what most would think. I think I'm glad I missed out on naked twister. I could just imagine seeing some of those people without clothes. *shudder* But anyway, the party was great. I hope to come sometime again for another party. Heck, I might even host one at the castle. I'll send out the invitations when I get better details on when.
I feel kinda bad for leaving Link to die at the hands of females and their rope.
If you feel so bad, you should have stayed and shared some of the pickles with me. Lucky for me those are some of my favorite snacks! 12 pounds was a bit too much though...*rushes out of the area*
Zelda Marth and Link
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