Dare ye ask Zelda...

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Dear Zelda,

I'm a Hydralisk. I live underground, and spit acid. One of your workers on the Death Mountain project filled up my hole with dirt. I want you to replace my DVD player, Plasma TV, and Gamecube, which were all destroyed when they were buried. I already spat in the insolent fool's face, for wrecking my house but destroying my living room crosses the line!

Xarthazere Groractiveder

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Dear Xarthazere Groractiveder,

I'm extremely sorry that one of my careless workers destroyed your home. Just give me a full list of the things that have been destroyed in the accident and the price of them all, and I'll have them shipped to you immediately. Someone's gonna get fired for this, I just don't know who yet! In the meantime, while we repair your home; I offer you a room to stay in at the castle. It's not the best in the world, but I certainly try.

Zelda

Greetings Princess Zelda of Hyrule,

Your presence is requested at the pretty, pretty, princess party. I will be serving only the daintiest of dishes on my handmade lace doilies. Please wear your ruffliest dress and your most sparkling jewels. All the other princesses think it would be delightful if you could attend. We plan on having a lively debate on proper pinkie extension. How about tomorrow at 4:00 PM? We will be breathlessly awaiting your reply.

Your Royal Highness,
Princess Zute of Pythonia

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Princess of Pythonia,

I'm flattered that you wish for me to attend this party. I'd gladly love to come along. And I'm sorry to admit this, but one of my closest friends is just -dying- to be invited as well. Though they're not a Princess, they're very fond of the game "Pretty Pretty Princess" And I guess I'm also bashful to say that not only is this person not a she, but is a he. I wouldn't sell you short though. He's got -great- fashion sense. And his tiara is to DIE for.

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

You are a nice plump looking specimen! Please come to a dinner party with me, I put your name in an honorary spot on the menu!

Your friend,
One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

PS I'll send you a special basting sauce to bathe in before you get here.

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Dear flying purple people- whatever,

I'm afraid I'll have to decline such a request. Mostly because my skin is very sensitive and fair. That basting sauce would surely make my skin incredibly dry. Not only that, but I've been invited to another party and haven't the time to spare. I'm incredibly sorry for any inconvenience.

Zelda

Dear Marth,

I'm sad. Can I have a hug?

Love,
Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)

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Dear Acco,

*hugs softly* There there. I know it's not fair, but not everyone can be as handsome as me. Maybe one day, right?

Marth

Dear Zelda,

I know what you did last summer. Do you?

random man

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Dear random man,

Oh I remember quite well. Myself, Ruto, and Link decided to go on a camping trip in the lost woods for a weekend for one. Boy was it a glorious thing. Secondly, I went with Link to visit Termina to see how Anju was doing with her remodeled inn. The place looks marvelous! The curtains I sent her are to die for, and the walls are just adorable with the new wallpaper. I think taking my advice has really cheered the place up. Anju couldn't be happier! Also myself and Marth went on a trip to visit the King of Pandora in a nearby land. He was a gracious old ruler with a castle that would make any Prince's jaw drop. It took all my efforts just to get Marth out of there! But the thing I remember the most was that wondrous summer evening where me and Link sat at the side of Death Mountain looking over the gracious land that has become Hyrule and simply thinking: "What would have become of such a land had the Great Deku Tree never called forth of Link?" We'd be in chaos, that's for sure.

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

I LIVE!!!!I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT I'M ALIVE!!! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Hum, lets see. I remember it being really cool and then it got dark. But then there was a really bright light way far off. Then its gets fuzzy, but I do remember Kenshin standing over me saying that I couldn't because I had things to do and that Karou would kick his ass if I died. Then he showed me your response to my last E-mail and gave me a banana. Next thing I knew someone was cramming sugar down my throat, and when I opened my eyes three ppl, a male dressed in a pink\red dress, a girl with something shinny on her head that was dressed in blue, and a really ugly girl in green with a freaky headdress on were standing over me. But they ran away when they saw I was alive!

I wounder who they were. Do you have any ideas, Zelda? Well, who ever they are, I thank them. ^_____^

Anyways, I really must go thank Kenshin for the banana and get some more sugar.

Love,
Acco(The Kenshin Obsessed Girl.{KENSHIN GAVE ME A BANANA! HOW COOL IS THAT!?})

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Dear Acco,

I'm surely grateful to know that you are alright Acco. You really had me worried for a moment there. As for the strangers that came to your rescue? I think you have their gender wrong, that's for sure. But I think it's three people who seem to care more than I thought they would. I'll have to graciously thank them later. I'll send your regards.

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

Damn straight do I wear an eyepatch! I always war it when I want to look pitiful so I can have a good chance to run off with all the lint in their pockets! Now you stole my eyepatch! I want it back! Give it to me or I'll burn things! Then I'll kill the displacing rock monster, and you can't do anything about it! Then I'll put aphrodasiacs in your air conditioner, and steal all your toupees! Willyou give it back or face my wrath?!?!??!!??!!

Orange Dae

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Dear Orange Dae,

I didn't realize that your eyepatch was so valuable. Though I don't know where your old one is, I can surely replace it with one I can buy? I mean unless it's very special to you. I did happen to watch Mario yesterday at the stage and see him sporting an eyepatch while wearing pirate gear, but I thought nothing of it. I'll ask around and see what I can do.

Zelda

Hello, I'm Bill's Mother saying that I'll be managing his E-mails while he's at Band Camp. I sent this message to everyone in his address book.

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Dear Bill's mother,

So Bill attends band camp eh? Well lovely to get to know you.

I used to go to band camp, and boy was that a horrid experience. *shudders* I mean the people there are just hideous. And entirely too happy. I mean, the camp guy was all fat and happy and expecting ME to have a good time. Like I could with all these horrid things going around! All these sweaty fat kids laughing and dancing around me. It was a horrible experience, and it brings back nightmares. NO! Make it go away! NOO!! *screams*

Zelda
and Roy

Dear Zelda,

How many Dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three! One to screw in the lightbulb, and 2 to throw feces at each other! Ha ha ha!

Soul Edge

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Dear Soul Edge,

And you would know this from experience? Are you a zookeeper?! If so I REALLY need your help. It appears that this elephant has just..appeared on my doorstep. I don't know who sent it, probably some far off prince wanting my hand in marriage. But now we're stuck with this HORRIBLE smelly elephant. And he keeps tramping in my flowers! I'M GOING TO KILL IT if it doesn't stop stomping on my ROSES. They're specially grown pink roses too! Ugh! HE'S GOING TO DIE!

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

Congratulations, I got you a place on the roster of "Endless Nemesis 9: Twisted Skull"! Here are your moves (This is a 2 dimensional fighter for the Super Gamecube Advance Color)A=Girly punch, B=Sky Kick, Q=Din Punch, J= Spin Kick
Special moves: Up, up, down, A=Supreme uppercut
Down, Forward, B=Nut Breaker
Q,up,Q,down=Fire Shield
Forward, J,J,J=Pink Tornado
Q,Q,Forward,A,Down, Q, J, B, Forward, J=Triforce Punch (One hit danger zone)

Finishers: Kill#1: Down, Down, Forward, Q=Uppercut Decapitation (Zelda's fist catches on fire and punches off enemy's head(s))
Kill#2: Forward, Forward, Down, Forward,A=Triforce Blade (Zelda pulls out the Triforce and slices enemy in half across the gut)
Kill#3: Down, Down, J, B, Down, J= High Heeled Probe (Zelda kicks enemy in butt with probe on shoe. Enemy explodes in mass of blood and bones.)
Morph Kill: Up, Up, Down, A, B,=Shiek(Zelda turns into Sheik, and shoots Chain into Enemy's chest. It stays there for a few seconds, and come out with Enemy's heart.)
Peace: Down, A, Down, J, Down, Q=Song (Zelda pulls out Ocarina, and plays a song for Enemy)

I hope you like your move list. I got them to make you one of the more balanced characters. Keep in mind I signed you up for this, and the executives said you can't quit.

Mother Brain

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Dear Mother Brain,

I do say that this is an impressive set of hits you've got me doing here. Surely I'll have a lot of strength and can take on any opponent they set against me! I mean I wish the writers at Melee did that for me! They made me incredibly weak until I changed to my alter-ego. I was so WEAK beforehand! I thank you so much! People will learn to FEAR the crown! BUAHAHAHA!

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

I was doodling one day with my new computer! I just got it last week and I've been thrilled to have it. I can send more letters now! Anyway, I was doodling on mspaint and I happened to make this picture. Think you could post it on the fanart section? I mean even though the fanart -is- of me, I would still like to see it posted on the world wide web! I hope you like it.

Link

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Dear Link,

It's a very nice drawing Link. And I have no problem posting it for you. Although, I do have a couple of questions about it...I mean...*blushes* Why do you think my hands look like that?! Do I look like a BIRD to you?? And those eyes, oh those eyes. My eyes are much better looking than that. And you got the tiara all wrong. Ah well, I guess that's what I can expect from some fanart.

Zelda, he pours his heart out into this drawing and all you can do is diss it?! I think it shows more than just your hands, I think it shows a lot more.

Zelda
and Marth

Dear Zelda,

The rain in Spain is like my ass in pain. Argh. I thought up a lot of really good questions last night, but I forgot all but one. So, here it is.

1. Whats your favorite smell?

Food?
Teeth.
Ah, Teeth!
Moo.
Moo?
Moo.
Wha?
Food!
....
Argh!

Love,
Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)

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Dear Acco,

I would have to say that my favorite smell is the lilac. It smells so clean, and pure and...flowery! Plus it's my favorite flower! OH! I'm partial to the smell of rain too. Or a gentle spring morning...I guess I like fresh nature-like things. But the lilac has to be my favorite.

Zelda

Let me guide you home...