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Dear Zelda,
YOU! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! IT'S YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!
From You!
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Dear You,
You've got quite the interesting name there, You. Is it Asian? Chinese? Japanese? Korean? I'm sorry if I'm ignorant to asian-type names, they've always confused me. Kinda like the saying "more chins than a Chinese phonebook" or something. And quite the enthusiasm you have as well. Nice to mee you! Questions are welcome, as well.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Erek isn't so bad. He's all right, but not cool yet.
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
I've had the chance myself personally to meet this "Erek" person. And he doesn't seem to be such a bad guy, despite his passes onto me. But hey, what fan here doesn't do that from time to time? *flips hair* Regardless, he really is a nice person. Especially since Sarah convinced him to host this very site onto his server. I would suggest being nice to the almighty God that holds this world together. And I'm sure with enough time, he'll be "cool" like we've all grown to be. Just give him time.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I don't like Erek. He won't stop insulting me. Make him stop please.
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
Hatemail already, Erek? Man you work fast. I guess I should expect such from our King of Evil, aye?
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
A while back you asked how I died. I was a bit of a celebrity where I come from, so somebody kept stalking me, trying to get my autograph. I should've gave it to him, but instead I ignored him and went to my carriage for a ride to an opera. When I got home, my fan was there. He was digging through my garbage, but ran off soon afterward. The next day he kept following me all over town. To my mansion, to my friends, everywhere. He asked for my autograph again, and I, being very frustrated by now cussed him out and spat in his face. When I was sleeping I woke up to use the bathroom and found him on my toilet with a revolver. He shot me in the chest, and I lay squirming on the floor. Now I'm a Zombie here to terrorize people and all that rubbish. I just want to find that guy who shot me. Worthless plebians. They think you're god until they shoot you. If he was a real fan, he wouldn't have ended my life.
So how about those redeads? I want to know where I can get one of their masks. It'd go good with my maggots. Just because I'm a rotting dead corpes doesn't mean I can't be stylish and fashionable.
Your friend, Memnarch
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Dear Memnarch,
Tragedy for what has happened to you. It makes me almost start fearing for my own life. I mean...I saw...someone..in -my- garbage. Should I start worrying?! I mean seriously! My guards are shoddy too. I mean look at LINK! He was able to get in with no problems! This has me frazzled now...Link!!!!!!
What do you mean "Look at LINK!" I'm quite the educated fairy boy, if you haven't noticed. I mean it takes a lot of brains getting through some of those puzzles in temples. You ever cracked one?! Didn't think so. Anyway, now that the Princess has called upon my services again, I'll make this short.
You can find a redead mask at the Happy Mask shop in the market square near the castle of Hyrule. I believe the Happy Mask shop owner has returned from his long journeys abroad and has come back with tons of masks. Just tell the guy that you knew a fairy boy wearing green and he'll become your best friend. Hell, he might even send you on a journey or two if you're bored. Who knows? Maybe on that journey, you'll find the man you're looking for.
Zelda and Link
Dear Link,
Coffe good! Cofee goopd! You like cream or sugar? What sweet & low? Like Sweete & loww?
Adrammlech Jr.
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Dear Adrammlech Jr.,
I think we found our Happy Mask shop keeper, folks.
Link
Dear Princess Zelda,
We request your work as an embassador to Hyrule on Phyrexia. We want to educate your people about the properties of Yawg, and what uses it has.
Yours truly, Tsabo
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Dear Tsabo,
I certainly hope you don't mind me doing a background check. I've hired Marth as head of my own personal security guard! Not that Link isn't a good one, but he's considered my...army. Yes. Link is practically a one-man army! So yes, go through Marth and he'll make sure that you're clear to go.
...what is Yawg?
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I have created 100 more Keaton'mon, only for kids to find, trade, and eventually teach them how to cheat at stupid games like this.
I'm more paranoid now. Give me fish please. I like fish. I forgot how many tails I have BUT ITS MORE THAN YOU, NO TAIL!!! HA HA I HAVE A TAIL AND YOU DON'T!
It takes 52 licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop. Someday, you will pay for your treachery.
Keaton
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Dear Keaton,
Are you planning to attack my kingdom? I mean if you are, you stand no chance. You realize this right?! I've got a one-man army and secret service EVERYWHERE! Get into MY garbage cans will you?! HAHAHAHAHA! You'll never get close! Just try to find me. Try! I have secret passages EVERYWHERE in my castle! You'll never find me! NEVERRRRR FINNNDDD MEEEE...*shivers*
...wow...great and powerful Keaton. You have solved the mighty tootsie pop riddle. I bow before your very paws.
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Why is it that it is always a man woman adam eve?
The Kitty
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Dear Kitty,
Would you prefer a boy girl adam eve?
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
You'd better watch out! I'll tear you up like a kleenex at a snot party if you do that again! I'm serious! I'll jump down your throat and stomp on your liver, girl! Don't you mess with me, cuz I don't play! I'm not playin, girl! I'll even beat you so bad you'll have to eat your fancy shwancy food through a straw!!!
Kraid
PS Please don't hurt me.
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Dear Kraid,
...Are you the guy digging in my garbage? I mean I'd reeeaaaallly like to know...You see, I haven't slept in like...46 days now. And it's really starting to make my face look all, dead-like. I mean I have circles the size of saucers under my eyes. If you are him, please don't come around. I enjoy your fanship! I'll send you all the autographs you want!! I mean it!
Zelda
Don't touch my chicken selects!!!
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
Then HANDS OFF my pizza rolls!
Zelda
to anyone who will listen
i am the protector of the crystal or world thead. I am one of the five totema. aw heck forget that mumbo jumbo i need someone to challenge. If u beat me ill give u untold power. I have the power to destroy worlds. With the bangaa i was born. I have got to stop sounding like that. please answer.
from , aldemerik the bangaa totema
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Dear Aldemerik the Bangaa Totema, (thought I'd give you respect by capitalizing your name.)
If u r looking 4 a challenge, my friend Link will surely challenge u 2 a battle. That is if u accept. Do u?
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I suck. I'm pathetic. I still, STILL, can't get over the fact that.......Oh fuck it!
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
Why so hard on yourself? I haven't seen an email from you in a while. Are things alright? Boy let me tell you about my times. It's day 53 in the hunt for the garbage fan, and I've found no one. Marth's been keeping around me most of the time, calming me down if I go crazy...which happens approximately every 20 minutes. I think I'm about due. Five minutes! But yes, those are my problems. How are you?
Zelda
Dear Princess Zelda,
It surprises me that people expect you to fall in love with Link, when royalty is expected to keep bloodlines pure, and marry their cousins, or even siblings, so you probably already have an arranged marriage making you an INBRED!!! INBRED! INBRED! ZELDA'S AN INBRED! I'll bet your daddy married his cousin or something like that! WHAT IF HE MARRIED HIS SISTER? Your mom could also be your aunt! Wait! Roy and Marth are Princes! They must be in the same boat as you! They must be inbreds too!!! Only rednecks and yokels are inbreds! Your dad probably talks like Colonel Sanders! KFC anyone? Might as well call it HFC, Hylian fried chicken! Ha ha! Or maybe you need to choose a suiter, but they tear up the house, and get drunk, so then a big guy with a bow comes over, and shoots them up full of arrows like in the Oddessey!
Hope your cousins are cute and friendly. Have fun with the fried chicken idea.
Yours truly, Sicko Sammy
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Dear Sicko Sammy,
I guess you're called that name for a reason. YOU SICKO! And no, there isn't anything wrong with outside marriages! My father married a woman from Termina! SHAME ON YOU FOR PUTTING MY MOTHER'S NAME IN VAIN! I should have the guards take you deep down into some cavern where you'll never escape. And the only person you could talk to was your SICKO SELF. HAH! How would you like that?! Hmm??? You speak so much of imbreds, you must have something against them. THEY'RE PROBABLY YOUR PARENTS!! HYUCK!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
How did it feel when they decided to sink Hyrule in Wind Waker? We're you all "NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT MY KINGDOM!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T-T!!!!"?
Or we're more "Hum. Ok."?
Did you ever get sea sick on your boat? What about you Link?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
Before I start this, I would like to thank you full heartedly for such a WONDERFUL question! I mean I haven't had a question like this from you in a -long- time. Thank you! Anyway, moving on. I was just as shocked as you were about the King's, my father's wish. I mean c'mon now. I know he worked as hard as I did to keep evil away. I guess every man has a breaking point or something. Cause the minute he spattered those words out, I swear my heart had to of stopped. Then I started to see the water come down, and MAN! It really sucked. Mostly cause I couldn't get the taste of salt out of my mouth for a week. I really didn't want Hyrule to sink like that. But I guess we didn't know the outcome of Link's battle with Ganondorf, though that's retarded. I mean c'mon now, how does it ALWAYS end?! Link wins, and Ganondorf gets stuck in some other holding place for a long period of time. I guess my father knew the outcome and decided to rid Hyrule so that Ganondorf would find another job, who knows? Regardless, I'm glad as to where I am now. I mean the palm trees are peaceful. And I got all the coconuts I could ever want to eat! Link's been real handy with his sword in peircing through that stuff, I find it amazing.
As for the boat. I'm a pirate! I never get sea sick! But boy did Link. He can't seem to take the oceans too well. I guess that's why he got along better with Epona on the plains. I mean, damn. We were always taking him and his boat aboard and taking care of his sea sickness. What a mess.
Zelda
dear zelda,
I need to know why you keep losing you temper. Is it because i ask you to kiss me or what.
love, link
P.S. the girls are still on my trail(malon,ruto,naboroo,saria)
once again HELP ME!!!!!
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Dear Imposter,
Listen here, fag. You wanna see lost temper, watch this. Why is it that everyone wants to be me?! I mean I'm not -that- great of a guy. I mean really, so what if I save a Princess and have women chasing me. It's not as fun as it looks. And damn, my butt gets sore after all that horseback riding. Epona isn't easy on me either, you realize this? I have no breaks. Have you ever SEEN ME SLEEP?! I never sleep! I never get a CHANCE to sleep! It's been...how many years?! When was 1986??? HUH???? 18 freaking YEARS!! Alright?! If you -really- wanna be me, then take all those tasks that I just mentioned, and THEN we'll talk. Okay? See ya.
Link
Dear Marth,
Orange Dea doesn't know who you are!! Isn't that sad? I shall inform him about you sexy greatness right now.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I'm bound to run into fans of this site who have no idea who I am. If you would like to know, go back to the home page of this site, and click the link that says -=Marth=-. That should give you a pretty good description. Until then, Acco...you're doing a great job keeping him informed. I read the boards. Brilliant!
Marth
Dear Zelda,
I want to inform you that your sheep are invading our testing ground. Remove them immediatly, or declare bankruptcy. We will shoot on sight when sheep venture into our testing crap.
Keep the sheep out of hear!
General Wallace of the 45th echelon
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Dear General Wallace,
To tell you the truth, I thought the only creatures we had that roamed the grasslands were cows and horses. Thanks for informing me!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I have the crappiest story of my life to tell you. My friend, Elizabeth Soiled Procter's name, so everyone found out that Abigail decieved the whole city, and decapitated her via guillotine. I hated Abigail anyway, so I naturally didn't care. Break the code if you can. (Het awy eht briccule loushel'dv deend) Sunday word Jumble format. Answers on back. Use caution, play responsibly. Can you figure it out? I DARE you!
Sicko Sammy
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Dear Sicko Sammy,
You again? I'm not figuring out your puzzles. It probably says something like "You're an imbred, HAHA!" or something. Forget it!
The way the...something...should've ended.
Zelda and Link
Dear Ruler of Heathen Lands,
Sacrafice me, and you will be saved from the coming wrath of our God, Quetzecoatl. Our prophets fortell all the world to be devoured in fire, except for the places stained by the blood of a martyr's blood who died for Quetzecoatl. I want to save you all by sacraficing my body, so that you may all be saved.
Love, Mr. Plow
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Dear Mr. Plow,
Not -that- plague again. You realize how many letters a -day- I get from you people? I mean c'mon now. I get this warning every week or so. Some great and powerful Quetzecoatl. I don't even think there -is- one. Give me QUESTIONS!!!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Your oekaki board rules, though I don't entirely understand it.
I read about this game that combines violent coups and pinball! I say its a winning combination all the way! I was also on addictinggames.com, and found badger racing! It's also awesome! If you were a badgeteer, what kind would you ride?
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
Thank you for the compliments on the board. I've liked how it turned out as well. It's so...my color. I swear it is. *flips hair* Anyway, regarding the badger racing....wouldn't I be riding a badger..?
Zelda
dear, zelda
I have always wanted to date a princess, but i do not know how to ask.
HELP ME!
with Love. Link
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YOU AGAIN???
I thought I told you to go sacrifice yourself to a wild bull and then we'd talk. Or was it live my life? I forget...anyway, STAY OFF MY NAME, PAL!
Link, ever think that maybe he shares the same name as you? I mean you're not the -only- Link in this world. Surely not.
I -am- the only Link. I mean c'mon, I have a copyright on my name! NO ONE CAN TAKE IT!
Excuse my ignorant hero, friend. The best way to date a princess would more than likely be a prince yourself. Do you have that kind of quality? I mean if you do, it should be easy. If you're not, then you're gonna have to work and get the trust of the King, her father. If you can do -that- and be a hero, you should have no problem.
But I have those properties, and you STILL won't go on a date with me!
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
I was playing SSBM today....ITS SO COOL! It refueled my love for you and Link and Roy and Marth and Super Smash Bothers Melee as a whole. :) *Sighs* I wish they would come out with a Super Smash Bothers Melee 2 or something. Same characters, expected for Ness and the pokemon(e?), but with new stages and attacks and stuff. Maybe. :\ Hopefully. :\
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I wish they'd go a step further and make a super smash brothers in Hyrule or something! I mean I can see it now! A Goron taking on a Zora! Or like...Anju versus the Happy Mask shop guy! That would so incredibly own. Don't you think?! Kicking Link's arse with my Zelda character gets boring after so long. I wanna take on a Goron!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
How we love thee... It is finally time for you to stop playing games with our hearts, and choose one of us!
Captain Falcon: I love you more than my freaking car! Yoshi: Yoshi! Yoshi! (I love you so much I could lick you from your head to your toes!) Mewtwo: I can read your mind! YOU LOVE ME... YOU LOVE ME!!! I can read your memory card too. (Refuses to aknowledge name): You have more junk in your trunk than my toolbox!(M) Fox: My tail wags when your around. Mystery guy: I saved you so many times, breaking my back to help you out of trouble! What do I get? A broken heart!!! (Refuses to aknowledge name): I'd like to use the screw attack on you anyday! Mr. Game and watch: (Censored) (Censored) (Censored)!!!
Love, The I Love Zelda More than She Loves Herself Fan Club
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Dear...fan club,
Wow...I've never had one of these before! *gets all giddy* Where shall I start?! I mean, some of you mystery guys, c'mon...you should show yourselves. (though some of you are obvious) Mr. Game and Watch? I thought you hated me?! Maybe that's why it's censored...Link! You need to stop hiding around the bushes...do you -really- feel that way?! This better not be in attempts to being King again. -That- comment didn't fly too well with my father. Can I have like...a week to decide? I mean really...
Princess, I'm ashamed with you. I thought you were going to remain single forever. You're breaking apart! I must keep you glued together! STAY THE COURSE!!!
Zelda and Marth
Dear Zelda,
That thing Link made for you is disturbing. You frighten me! Marduk sucks! I hate him. How am I supposed to be invincible if he keeps beating me up? Gannondorf! I need help!
Tiamat, Lord of the wastes, King of darkness, Master of evil, Hound of the resurrection, Slayer of the innocent, Devourer of Souls, Overlord of the Undead, Destroyer of Empires, Nightmare to all, Demon of Chaos, Supreme Rock Master, Bringer of Misery, Plague of Fear, Butcher of Hylians, Murderer of Hippies, Avatar of Fury, Walking Desecration, Embodiment of Desolation, Impaler of Peasants, Drinker of Innocent Blood, Pandora's Box, Pirate of Perversity, President of inequity, Vicious Dog of Doom, Prince of Despair, The Malicious Murderer, Archduke of Disaster, Creator of Malevolence, Phantom of Debauchery, Tyrant of Depravity, Ghoul of Horror, Fiend of Dread, Bane of the Living, Eternal HellHound of Foulness, Executor of The Angelic, Defacer of The Saintly, Chief of Obscenity, Director of Contamination, Terror of The Night, Amplifier of Catastrophe, Sadist of Calamity, Assassinator of The Pure, Emperor of Hatred, Conveyor of Indecency, Beast of Annihilation, Ripper of Ruin, Gold Card Member of The Meter Room, Awakener of Wickedness, Hellspawn of Hades, Committer of Crime, Twister of many Skulls, Dictator of Death, Chairman of Notoriocity, Locust of Famine.
P.S. Head number eight likes you. He may be a wimp, but he likes you.
----------
Dear Tiamat,
I thought the picture was alright. Sure he lacks artistic skills, but that doesn't mean he didn't put his heart into it! And if head number eight liked me so much, he'd dedicate himself in my awesome fan club that I have. Do you have a fan club?! I didn't think so! Only zombies and henchmen. What a lonely life.
I thought I blocked your number.
Zelda and Ganondorf
Dear Zelda,
Happy lucky compooter back am up from evil dark age of scary gay hippies! Our friendship shall am survive to Lumpy cat that heavens rain big rocks upon castles! Will am your die trying?
Mao tse-tung
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Dear Mao,
Pleasure to see you once again! I'm glad to know that your computer is working. What is this about rocks on castles? Not this again. Is there some meteor shower that I don't know about? Like..the end of the world or something? Next, that stupid moon will loom it's ugly head over the land again. Sheebus.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
School sucks. TO MUCH HOMEWORK!!!!! >:[ And this week is going by so slow! *Sigh* I wish it was the weekend.
What ever happened to that cute little riding outfit you always wore in the old Zelda cartoons? I mean one day you were strutting your stuff in it all "I'm sexy and I kick ass, so watch out!", then the next your all "LOL lok at e! i"",m warng adrees!!!1111! LOLOLOLO" You should wear it in Melee so people wouldn't see things they shouldn't.*Cough*
Oh, and I made a poll\quiz\thingy about what people think about your site. Apparently everyone hates you and the site so much that they don't even bother to vote. *Snickers*
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I've actually become quite attached to my dress, thank you very much. The problem with that old riding outfit was that it was...so...90's. I mean c'mon now, look at it! Those colors are hideous! Besides, I still strut around in riding outfits. Take a look at my other half. Shiek even has rags! Rags are cool!
If I had the choice, I would make a vote in saying that the site rules, but Sarah has banished me from the place. All I can do is sit back and watch her chat away with all of you!
Zelda
[Webmistress Note: All of this came in one big email...so...yeah. Enjoy?]
Dear Marth and Link,
Why don't you guys grow your hair long? It would make you super sexy and hot.! ;) Plus, girls dig guys with long hair. Well, I do at least.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
Dear Zelda,
I'm going to marry my Band teacher. :))))))Yes, yes I am. See, I have this all fingered out. You see, hes my further husband. In like, 7 years were going to meet, fall madly in love, get married, then, I have no idea why, we go back to the past(Witch, in the further, is now) and he becomes my band teacher. Yep. :) And if that doesn't happen, I'll convince him to move to Utah and become Mormon and take me as his second wife.:)
Love, Acco(The very freaky Kenshin obsessed girl)
I'm going to marry my Band teacher. :))))))Yes, yes I am. See, I have this all fingered out. You see, hes my further husband. In like, 7 years were going to meet, fall madly in love, get married then, I have no idea why, we go back to the past(Witch, in the further, is now) and he becomes my band teacher. Yep. :) And if that doesn't happen, I'll convince him to move to Utah and become Mormon and take me as his second wife....I have a thing for guys with long hair.
Don't ask.
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What are you talking about long hair? You don't even see under my hat. I have a FOREST under there! Lucious long blonde locks, bay bee! I just keep it tucked under my hat to keep it under control at times. I also have to fasten it back with a hair tie.
I kinda have long hair. I guess not as long as Link's. I am rather envious of his hair at times. It's all shiney and silky and so...long. *blushes* But yes, maybe I will consider it. I'll have to take Link's advice on the hair tie though. Would I look good in a hair tie?
You're gonna marry your band teacher? Does he know this? 7 years eh? That sounds..strangely...familiar...hmm.
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
Hey! It's me again! Um...I was wondering...you know. About that thing...with the lake? Did you -really- mean to kiss me? Or was that just a gesture? I mean I really wish I could know. Cause it's been having me pace back and forth in my little wooden house for weeks. Just, the way you sounded when you talked and such. Did that "gesture" as you called it really mean anything?
Just wanting to know.
Link
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Dear Link,
What have I told you about announcing happenings on the site??? Why couldn't you ask me this in private?! No wonder everyone thinks we have something going on! Even though...we don't. WE DON'T! It was a kiss! Big deal?!
Link and Zelda sitting in a tree, F-U-C-
[Webmistress Note: Roy has been suspended for five days from answering at this site's questions.]
Zelda and suspended Roy
dear zelda and link.
do you like each other? link, who do you like more, sheik or zelda? zelda, who do you like more, link or gannon? link, why didn't you try to unmask sheik and find out his secret identity in OoT? link, who would you rather be locked in a room with, shiek or zelda?
from koo ko ka choo
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Dear Koo ko ka choo,
Interesting name. I just wanna tell you that the email from Link meant NOTHING! The picture was nothing!! Stop thinking we're in love!!! We're not! If I was to choose between Ganondorf or Link...who do you THINK I would choose? It's not a hard answer.
Forgive the Princess for being shy about her true feelings. Considering that Shiek is a more masculine character, but Zelda just the same...would it really matter who I chose? Now in terms of being locked in a room. I would rather be locked with Shiek. Mostly cause we could both work our way out of there...unless this is 7 minutes of heaven. *gleams* Then Zelda all the way! w00t!
...
Zelda and Link
dear zelda,
did you refuse to answer my last email? i mean, you can tell me im not welcome at your site and your thoughts about me. i can handle the truth, but i just need to hear it from you.
brenda
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Dear Brenda,
I apologize for not answering your last email. There must have been a confusion in Sarah's sending me the emails. If you can remember what the email was, I'd gladly like to answer any questions you had on it. Really sorry for Sarah's sloppiness!
Zelda
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Don't you love getting spammed?
Zelda
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