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Dear Who Ever,
Do you ever have one of those days when everything seems...well, pointless?
....Marth...Did you call ME a wench? Cause if you did...*Takes away all the love, attention, and everything else she gave you and gives it to....ROY!!!! >:)*
Roy, you are the one and ONLY(For now) sexy beast. Here is your new headband cleaner. His name is Hesh. You like white wine, right? Oh, and Kcco will be over in a few to show you the Sports Arena. For now, I shall send in Kagami to give you a massage. If you need me, I shall be tending to Kenshin, Kaoru, and the rest of the Kenshin-gumi.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I have had days like that...not today though! I got so much done today! Well, myself and the webmistress. She's all stressed now. She's in a corner of the room chanting "emails...updates..." and such. I think she's snapped.
Acco. Most apologies for any misunderstandings. I was calling Zelda a wench, don't you worry. And I have more than enough reason to call her as such. I hope I remain one of your biggest obsessions...Dear God what am I saying?
Hey I have no problem taking over Marth's position. I mean I practically WAS there anyway. Regardless, I'd love that massage. I've been past due for one. What with how hard I work all the time, constantly saving lives and such. Much appreciative.
Zelda Marth and Roy
Dear Zelda,
Did you enjoy my fanfiction? X3 *prepares to get hit*
Gannondorf: Just what inspired you to seek out the Triforce? (other than the ultimate power and ect)
Brenda
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Dear Brenda,
I rather enjoyed your story. Couldn't put it down!
She's such a liar. She didn't even look at it, Brenda. Now my comments. I think it's great how you can take an ending and add more suspense to it. What I mean by that is how you took the ending of Ocarina of time and made it possible for a whole new adventure! I mean...dark Link! How cool is that?! Regardless, I liked your continuation of the story better than Nintendo. I mean, c'mon now...destroying Hyrule? What are you gonna do with THAT?! I loved it, Brenda. Keep writing!
The hostile take over of Hyrule and the Triforce is one giant, tangled conspiracy involving Zelda, a bottle of raspberry lotion and yours truly. The lotion is, of course, evil beyond all reproach, but I would assume that would go without saying. Why did I just say it, you ask? Because I'm THE frickin' Evil King, I can do what I want! Now, with that said I must continue filming my newest hit reality television program! The Utterly Evil Apprentice: You're not only fired, you're char-broiled!
Long live raspberry lotion, -Ganondorf
[Webmistress note: So important, he gets his own closure. Sorry, but I loved the raspberry comment.]
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
It am supposeply say "Lucky melody tommorrow" in super fantastic uncrappy crimson bowels.
Ranch lady sound mad. Why mad? Me am reading responses to others lettersers when Mao think Ranch dressing angry as cigarless dragon with horseshoe on butt.
Me am making pie for all! All eat lemon merang pie from Mao freezer of no return! You want lemon pie or pumpkin gourd pastry? Mao send in mail one pie of each to satisfy hunger of monsters in all abdomen! Pie for all!
Mao Tse-tung
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Dear Mao,
You notice how angry Malon is, mostly because she IS an angry person. She's a red-head. What do you expect?
What's THAT supposed to mean? I mean if you wanna go so far as to judge people by their hair color, I'd have to call you stupid since you're a blonde!
Dare you say such things about the Princess! As you can see, she's a very angry person. I don't blame her really. I mean if I had to live with a father that drank all the time and constantly have to ward off a peasant man that think's he's Din herself like Ingo, I'd go nuts too.
You deal with the same things! What about Link?! I mean you constantly get captured by Ganondorf and expect him of all people to save you. I'd be stressed beyond all belief.
Hey...I'm not THAT bad! Give me some slack here, women!
Not to mention constantly smelling like cow patties from toiling in the fields all day. And the fact that some crazy guy owns your ranch now. Didn't even put up much of a fight.
What about YOU getting captured by Ganondorf?! You don't seem to put up much of a fight either, Princess! "Oh Link please save meeeee!"
BLASPHAMY!!!!
Sarah, you better end this email right now...this could get ugly.
[Webmistress note: Way ahead of you, Link. This email shall be discontinued.]
Zelda Malon and Link
Dear Zelda,
Malon's on the site now? Cool, fresh meat. She will now watch in wonder at my super long name, and learn to fear me like I should be! Head number eight likes her too, but he likes anything with a double X chromosome. I read some of the new fanfiction, and think it is disturbing as hell. No comment on Orange Dae's one. I'm not even finished, and he gives me the creeps.
Tiamat, Lord of the wastes, King of darkness, Master of evil, Hound of the resurrection, Slayer of the innocent, Devourer of Souls, Overlord of the Undead, Destroyer of Empires, Nightmare to all, Demon of Chaos, Supreme Rock Master, Bringer of Misery, Plague of Fear, Butcher of Hylians, Murderer of Hippies, Avatar of Fury, Walking Desecration, Embodiment of Desolation, Impaler of Peasants, Drinker of Innocent Blood, Pandora's Box, Pirate of Perversity, President of inequity, Vicious Dog of Doom, Prince of Despair, The Malicious Murderer, Archduke of Disaster, Creator of Malevolence, Phantom of Debauchery, Tyrant of Depravity, Ghoul of Horror, Fiend of Dread, Bane of the Living, Executor of The Angelic, Defacer of The Saintly, Chief of Obscenity, Director of Contamination, Terror of The Night, Amplifier of Catastrophe, Kaiser of Calamity, Assassinator of The Pure, Emperor of Hatred, Conveyor of Indecency, Beast of Annihilation, Ripper of Ruin, Gold Card Member of The Meter Room, Awakener of Wickedness, Hellspawn of Hades, Committer of Crime, Twister of many Skulls, Dictator of Death, Chairman of Notoriousity, Locust of Famine, Mantis of the Apocalypse, Fang of the Poison Tooth, The Forever Decapitator, Master of the disembowelment arts, Pyromaniac of Persecution, Headmaster of Oppression, Deceptor of Dawn, Necromancer of the Putrid, Ultimus of The Graveborn, Eater of the dead, Scion of Pestilence, Wraith of Havoc, Evil Eye of Agony, Praetor of The Pit, The Shrieking Shriveler, Archon of Agony, Evincar of Foulness, Lich of Mutilation, Crusader of Treachery, Apparition Injustice, Painbringer of Purgery, Keeper of The Void, Sadist of Lobotomy, Ranger of Misfortune, Overseer of The Tainted, Titan of Extinction, Beacon of Incineration, Firebeast of the Inferno, Muse of the Wicked.
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Dear Tiamat,
Yes, she's now a part of the website. Whether or not I like it, mostly. I mean this is a place for the fans. But what ever happened with the love for me?!
I didn't even get a "welcome" like Malon has. I wanna talk to my agent.
You're both selfish. This is for the fans. And I welcome Malon just like I've welcome everyone else. Sadly enough, Roy as well. Ah well, maybe I can take a vacation for a while.
You better take me too. You promised!!! Remember? A summer? At the beach in Florida?! You PROMISED!!!!
In due time, Link...in due time. *blush*
...
Thank you for the warm welcome, Tiamat. And I'm sorry, but if you're going to welcome me like this...how can I fear how mean you can be? You would have never welcomed me had you been evil. *smiles*
Zelda Marth Roy Malon and Link
Dear Zelda,
The 25th of November marks the seventh month since you first started the site. Are you happy? Sad? Thrilled?....shocked? I mean I would be. Considering how many people were against this place at first. What are your thoughts?
Luigi
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Dear Luigi,
I actually haven't thought about it, really. I couldn't even remember what day the site really started. I didn't realize it was SEVEN MONTHS though. Sheebus. By Din, that's a long time. And I guess I did get a lot of hatred at first. Comments on the webmistress copying Beth's page of Marth. But when you really start to look at it now...it's become a passing of the torch more than a complete and total wipeout of an older site. It almost makes me wonder what everyone thinks of the place now. I wonder at times if they still hate the place. But if they did, why would they continue to post here? Do they really hate me and my site? Dear...the worries. Why did you bring this up to me?! Whyyyyy????
Indeed it has come a long way, when you think about it. I mean damn, seven months? That's like...back in April isn't it? It's almost been a year! Awww..I think we should have a party.
I don't think people hate you or the site anymore. If they did, you'd still be getting hate mail. Remember? Besides, I think Acco has grown to liking you. Not to mention Orange Dae. They're at least constant spammer/emailers right? Not to mention Mao. You LOVE Mao! Don't be so down on yourself.
I think that there might still be some small hatred deep down. But when you think about it, no one can do anything about it. Beth's site is still gone and everyone is still bored from a lack of material to read. So to look at the glass half-full side, I think this turned out for the better.
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
I was reading your journal and I noticed that you mentioned the fact you didn't have a phone set up in your castle. This isn't a business transaction, but I would offer my services in installing a phone in your castle. It won't cost more than 20 bucks, I promise! Just offer me a place to sleep for a couple of nights, that's all.
Bob the phone guy
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Dear Bob,
I thank you for your offer. And I gladly accept it. I mean, all that will probably come from it is a bunch of phone calls from Link. Din FORBID he gets my number. He calls me all the time when I'm visiting Anju in Termina. "How's the weather?! Any looming moons overhead??" But yeah, I can offer you a place to sleep. One of my many guestrooms, in fact. So yes, I accept your offer.
I also noticed on your survey that you haven't gone on a date. C'mon...NOW of all times...will you?!
Now is not the time, pointy-earred one.
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda and Link,
Zelda: Ever seen a purple elephant? Ever had a dog for a pet? Are you too good for me? Or am I too good for you? Are you too sexy for your shirt? Do you like pudding? >_< ? Got any new Sims expansion packs lately? What about the Sims 2? Would you like some sugar? Ever read or watch Fruit Basket? Should I number my questions next time? Did you win? Do you read Newsweek?
Did you know Bush won? Why hasn't Kcco updated her journal? Why does everyone hate me? Who is Jack and why is he jumping over a candle? Isn't Roy the coolest and sexiest person ever? Would you go out with Roy? Please? Just once? Did you know I'm not speaking to a certain person whose name begins with a M and ends with a H? Did you know that this certain person is a bastard? Did you know he called me a wench after all I've done for him? Can I spend the night at your place, I need to get away.
Link: You could have changed Epona's name, ya know.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
If I had ever seen a purple elephant, I would have put myself in a psychiatric ward, secondly...I might have been drunk. But since I've never been drunk, yes...the psychiatric ward. I had a dog for a pet once, his name was Chomper. Mostly because he used to always take a hunk out of Link's tunic, which I found amusing of course. Link didn't like it too well though...
No...I LOVED it. o_o...
Yeah...He didn't like it. I absolutely LOVE pudding. My favorite flavor has to be butterscotch. I don't know why...but chocolate comes at a close second. I own almost all the Sims expansion packs. I'm not however, as fortunate as Sarah. She managed to snag Sims 2 and tells me all about her adventures. She even made a Zelda character and has her parading around searching for men. How typical. *sigh* But yeah, I had the chance to watch her play and it's really exciting how the characters age and all. They get fat too! I think that's awesome. She better not let "Zelda" get fat or I'll slay her. I've never watched or -heard- of fruit basket. You'll have to explain that one to me.
I know that Bush won. I went to sleep knowing that he won. Kinda like how you do at a football game that's running late. You check the score one last time, and then go to bed knowing that you have bragging rights the next morning. Or...you dread the next day because you talked so much smack and are now going to be verbally assaulted for your strutting.
Zelda knows this from experience. Trust me, she's lost many a bets. *snicker*
Silence, Marth. How was I supposed to know that your team would do this dramatic come-back? I mean we were ahead at least 20 points! Boy was that day messed up.
I'd say so. Mostly because you didn't know they had lost. And were already strutting around saying "They won! Haha!" And I had to show you pure PROOF to get you to believe me.
Zelda loses a lot of bets, doesn't she...?
*sigh* Back to Acco. I honestly think that Jack is jumping over that candle because he's running away from something. I mean if you were a guy...and you were jumping over a candle...it would have to be over something -that- serious. That's my only explaination.
No...I will not go with Roy. Roy is a sick and twisted freak. Not only that, but he's full of himself.
You say that -now-. But you'll change your mind after ONE night with the Roy man. *cackles*
...
*shudders* I didn't know you weren't speaking to Marth? He called you a WENCH?! What a bastard.
I did NOT! I called YOU a wench! You!!!! Acco, stop thinking I said that! I honestly didn't! Zelda has your mind fooled again!
No I don't! Believe meeee beeeliiieeeveee meeeeeeee
Zelda Marth Roy and Link
Dear Everyone,
Sarah is now an official Crappy Oekakian. WE SHALL CELEBRATE WITH SUGAR AND PUPPIES!!!
And, although I hate to promote, I hope you will all come and check my site out.
Marth and Zelda:....I'm confused. Who do I belive? The sexy one or the one with the website? LINK, I NEED YOUR HELP!!!! Who do I belive?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I watched Sarah checking out the place. And laughed at her attempts to draw and color. I found it to be rather amusing. She was freaking out when she couldn't figure out where the crop tool was. "It's so freaking huge! They're gonna kill me!" By the way, you should believe me. I -am- the one with the site, and therefore tell the truth at all times.
Who should you believe?! An elven with pointy ears or a sexy beast?! I didn't insult you!! I insulted her!
*whistles*
[Webmistress note: Yes, I am now officially a member at Acco's board. I am quite envious. I wish I could make one! Erek said he was working on it though, so that's always a good thing. He refuses to bow down and just get a free hosted one. So I'm gonna trust him on this. Not like we don't have tons of space anyway.]
Zelda is a liar. Just remember this.
But...I own a site. Which makes me God. Or Goddess.
I doubt that Marth would have the guts to call you a wench, Acco. Mostly because he's depending on fans now. I doubt he'd jeopardize any chances of losing one. Especially one like you. Case solved.
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear People,
Sarah: In a updatey mood tonight are we?
Zelda: My base are belong to them. Are your base belong to them?
Marth: *Hangs head* I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm sorry. I LOVE YOU!!!! *Hugs* Now, for stuff.
Zelda(Again.): Would you go out with Marth? Please? Would you go out with him if I told you it would make me extra happy? Just once? PLEASE?
Love, Acco(The happy Kenshin obsessed girl)
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[Webmistress note: Yes, I'm rather lifeless tonight. I guess better here than spamming the crap out of your board. X_x.. ]
Dear Acco,
My base are belong to Hyrule. I'm stuck there for the rest of my life. And I don't know why everyone wants me to date someone. Why do I have to BE with someone?! Isn't it enough to admit I have a crush?! And you'll NEVER know who he is! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I could tell you who it is right now. I know all. *winks*
You promised not to tell if I told you, Marth! Please don't say anything!!!!
I know too. It's not like it's not obvious.
ROY??? You know too?! This isn't fair!!!
[Webmistress note: Yeah, it is kinda obvious when you think about it. Isn't it?]
...
She has a crush?! WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME THESE THINGS???
...
...
[Webmistress note: ... ]
Zelda Marth Link and Roy
Dear Zelda and co.,
.....I give up. My dreams of MarthXZeldaness will never come true. T_T, -_-, and :(
Link, you are stupid. If I weren't me, I would so tell you who Zelda likes and hit you on the head.
Ganondorf, you need to lighten up on the head hits. I fear what its doing to Link.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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[Webmistress note: I'm currently working on an Oekaki drawing AS we do this! ARRGHHH!!! I'm lifeless!!! ]
Dear Acco,
I'm sorry that you can't get me to be with Marth. I mean, I know that he's handsome and all, but I think he has other interests.
There's always potential of RoyxZeldaness. ^_~
Not in your wildest dreams, Roy.
Oh yes in my wildest dreams...*fantasizes* Oooh yeah....
...
Dear God that's wrong. Oh so very wrong. Why does everyone wanna hit me on the head? I just wanna know who it is. Oh Zelda! I have a song for you!!! Ready?!
...
A is for adorable. B is for beautiful. C you're a cutie full of charrrrrmmm. D you're a darling and... E you're exciting and... F you're a feather in my arrrrmmmsss. G you look good to me. H you're so heavenly. I you're the one I idolizzeeeee. J we're like Jack and Jill... K you're so kissable. L is the laughter in your eyeeeeesss. M...N...O...P...I could go on all daaaaaay. Q...R...S...T...Alphabetically speaking, you're OK. U made my life complete. V means you're very sweet. W X Y Zzzzz... Oh it's fun to wander through the alphabet with you. To tell you what you mean to meeeeee.
Isn't it PRETTY?! ^________^!!!!
...
I'm speechless.
HAH! I KNEW IT!!!
Zelda Link and Roy
Dear People,
Link:.....That was so ghetto. -_-
Zelda: I HATE YOU! How, HOW, could you chose him, HIM, OF ALL PEOPLE, over the sexiest, nicest, loyalist, funniest, coolest person EVER!!?!?!! HE WEARS HIS DEAD SISTERS TIARA FOR CHRIST SAKE!!! HE SEARCH THE WORLD FOR HIS FATHERS KILLER FOR 12, 12, YEARS!!! Imagine what he would do for you!!!!! What more do you want?!?! He'll KILL Ganon if he even LOOKS at you the wrong way!!!! Just...ARGH!! ARGH YOU TO HELL!!
Marth: Next life, you are so mine!
Love, Who else but me, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
...
Who said that Marth would do that for me? I don't even think he LOVES me.
*blinks*
It was NOT ghetto. I thought it was cute!
*falls over*
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Link,
I must reclaim my place as the dominant male of Hyrule. Meet me for a duel at 2:00 sharp in the Spirit Temple.
Kiki Jiki, Mirror Breaker
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Kiki Jiki,
Alright...it's on punk. 2:00 pm or am though? I mean...I can get really cranky when it's in the morning. I hope it's in the afternoon. And the spirit temple? Do you even know HOW to get to the spirit temple? I bet you get lost in the sands don't you?! DON'T YOU?? I just play a nifty little song and BAM I'm there. You best BET I'll be there sharp. While you're still crawling your corpse from the sands of time. Hah!
Link
Dear Zelda,
I've got the superman complex! That means I take sadistic glee in watching others be punished over and over again while I stay immune! Isn't that cool?
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
That's...pretty cool, there. Keep up the good work. Try to use some of that sadistic glee on ridding us from Ganondorf...or that creepy guy that owns the graveyard and Lon Lon Ranch. Thanks!
Zelda
Dear Zelda and Link,
Did you know that the male term for "Bimbo" is "Bimbob"? Just thought you'd like to know...
Sicko Sammy
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Dear Sicko Sammy,
And did you know that the plural form of "bimbo" is "bimbi"? Interesting trivia.
I would have called 'em..."bimbobs" haha!
-_-
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I had to shave a yak today for community service. Lucky me. Now I have to feed squirrels.
Tiamat, Lord of the wastes, King of darkness, Master of evil, Hound of the resurrection, Slayer of the innocent, Devourer of Souls, Overlord of the Undead, Destroyer of Empires, Nightmare to all, Demon of Chaos, Supreme Rock Master, Bringer of Misery, Plague of Fear, Butcher of Hylians, Murderer of Hippies, Avatar of Fury, Walking Desecration, Embodiment of Desolation, Impaler of Peasants, Drinker of Innocent Blood, Pandora's Box, Pirate of Perversity, President of inequity, Vicious Dog of Doom, Prince of Despair, The Malicious Murderer, Archduke of Disaster, Creator of Malevolence, Phantom of Debauchery, Tyrant of Depravity, Ghoul of Horror, Fiend of Dread, Bane of the Living, Executor of The Angelic, Defacer of The Saintly, Chief of Obscenity, Director of Contamination, Terror of The Night, Amplifier of Catastrophe, Kaiser of Calamity, Assassinator of The Pure, Emperor of Hatred, Conveyor of Indecency, Beast of Annihilation, Ripper of Ruin, Gold Card Member of The Meter Room, Awakener of Wickedness, Hellspawn of Hades, Committer of Crime, Twister of many Skulls, Dictator of Death, Chairman of Notoriousity, Locust of Famine, Mantis of the Apocalypse, Fang of the Poison Tooth, The Forever Decapitator, Master of the disembowelment arts, Pyromaniac of Persecution, Headmaster of Oppression, Deceptor of Dawn, Necromancer of the Putrid, Ultimus of The Graveborn, Eater of the dead, Scion of Pestilence, Wraith of Havoc, Evil Eye of Agony, Praetor of The Pit, The Shrieking Shriveler, Archon of Agony, Evincar of Foulness, Lich of Mutilation, Crusader of Treachery, Apparition Injustice, Painbringer of Purgery, Keeper of The Void, Sadist of Lobotomy, Ranger of Misfortune, Overseer of The Tainted, Titan of Extinction, Beacon of Incineration, Firebeast of the Inferno, Muse of the Wicked, Penumbra of Betrayal, Juggernaut of Pain, Hydra of Dominance, Force of Induldence, Stronghold of the Relentless, Legacy of Pandemonium.
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Dear Tiamat,
You don't seem so fearsome now. Community service? What kind of evil person that is what..let's see here. Awakener of Wickedness, and the Ghoul of Horror. How did you earn those names if you're doing community service? Here, add another name there. "Shaver of Yaks" And "feeder of squirrels" and "Do-er of community service" and "Repayer of the Community", "Sultan of getting caught", "King of hard labor". HAHA!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
It appears my upper lip has disappeared. Whatever shall I do?
Your Friend, Mr. Hapsburg
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Dear Mr. Hapsburg,
Looks like you're out a lip! hah!
Don't be so racist against the missing lip people. That's very rude.
Why? They're racist to me. Calling me names like "You lip keeper! hiss!" And such. What do you expect?
You're also a ruler. You can't be persuading them to be wrong. Be a good leader.
Those missing lip people scare me. What with their...lack of lip.
*sigh* You people...
Zelda Marth and Roy
Dear Zelda,
One day, Zelda, one day.
*Is trying to figure out how to uncrap her computer so that she can do some Oekakis*
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
One day? What kind of statement is that! I almost wanna make an Oekaki. Sarah was having wayyyyy too much fun with that last night. And now she's dragged TripsEx over there. That's gotta be a scary thing. I know about him. Though he's literally an angel, he certainly doesn't act like one. *sigh*
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Rich snob shave off all dog hair cereal, and me am needing lumpy cat booze baron from jail. Me am needing advice for baldy dog's wrath of 1,000 plumbers and Yak crap. How me am dealing with problemsmsms?
Mao Tse-tung
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Dear Mao,
You can either take my advice...and get Link there...to take care of the mess. Or, you can hire a wealthy poop smith.
Poop smith! POOP SMITH!!!
Zelda
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