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Dear Zelda,
I am sick. I am also bored. So, I shall bombbard you with questions.
Dear Zelda, Link, Ganaon and every one else,
Does the background music in your games ever get annoying? Is there always background music?Or is it just in the games? If I were to walk around Hyrule or Altea would hear music? Is there anyway to turn the music off? Were does it come from? Is it in your head, or does it come from objects around you? Does the music change with your mood? Like if you happy its a happy tune, and if your mad its a mad\ angry tune? Do you all hear the same music? Like, say Zelda was going to die and everyone came to pay their respects, would you all hear the same sad song? Or would it be different for each one? Does it keep you awake at night?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I never get kept up awake at night, mostly because I never SLEEP at night! Thanks to that pointy earred wretch PRINCESS!-
WRETCH?! Dare you call me a wretch! Stop being so pig-headed. You're JUST like Ganon! Look at you!!
Which is worse?! Being the pig head or being dumb enough to get CAPTURED by the pig head?! HUH???
I don't know. I don't get captured by you. I wouldn't be so dumb as to fall into any of your dumb traps. You aren't clever enough!
They're having a small fight. Please excuse the lack of question answering. Music generally plays on the set as we're going through the game, yes. So we do hear music. It normally helps us with our acting mostly. The people who direct us have-
AREN'T CLEVER ENOUGH?! I'm ten times as smart as you! Keeper of the Triforce of Wisdome..HAH! That's so retarded. You couldn't keep a cold!
*sigh*
You can't even spell Wisdom right!I know more about the Triforce than your fairy-guided arse! I was the one that told you about EVERYTHING!! Or have you forgotten that too?!
As I was saying...The directors have been clever enough to put speakers in trees and different parts of cities and such...so we can keep hearing it, but you don't see them. I find them to be-
Why did the Goddesses even CHOOSE you as hero of time?! I mean you're so brain dead at times. All those times that you thought it took skill, someone was HELPING you! Or you won by ACCIDENT!
Will you two CUT IT OUT?!?!?!
There were NO accidents! What are you talking about?! If anything, you being PRINCESS is an accident!
*gasp* I know you didn't say that. I'm fully capable of my position. Everything that happens to me is NOT by accident. I EARN it. You were just appointed! The Goddesses must have been doped up...Had to of been.
You wanna go?!
SILENCE!!!
...
...
Thank you. I did find the music in the games to be quite annoying. Kinda like listening to an MIDI on your computer. They're alright at first...got a beat and all. But after a while, it just lacks creativity and...depth.
Zelda picks her nose.
*gasp* Well...Link still sleeps in pink pajamas! AND he sucks his thumb!!!
HAH! You admit to picking your nose!!!
I see no objections about sucking your thumb either...
I'll show YOU sucking your thumb...
Alright, this is over. Till next time kids.
Ratty Hero!
Cranky Princess!
Zelda Marth and Link
Zelda,
Don't give me any of that lip! I've got enough reasons to cry already.
Mr. Hapsburg
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Dear Mr. Hapsburg,
So you don't take the lip I offer. I was only trying to help, you know.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I'm having Grandbabies! Yippee!
New Granny
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Dear New Granny,
...Impa?
*shudders*
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Yes, I did get caught, and yes I did actually earn all of my titles. they all have a good backstory behind them, and you know a few of them already, like "Gold Card Member of The Meter Room". really funny story of how I got "Tyrant of Depravity" and "Pirate of Perversity", but it's too sick for all your feeble minds to grasp. What was I put in jail for? I smoked in a non-smoking section. Here I am, tossing flaming phonebooks into people's apartments, and the fuzz busts me for smoking! What the hell? Behold my new title, I got it from trashing the guard's rooms, and leaving the heads of their friends under their pillows "Vandalizing Drone". I aquired a few other titles as well.
Tiamat, Lord of the wastes, King of darkness, Master of evil, Hound of the resurrection, Slayer of the innocent, Devourer of Souls, Overlord of the Undead, Destroyer of Empires, Nightmare to all, Demon of Chaos, Supreme Rock Master, Bringer of Misery, Plague of Fear, Butcher of Hylians, Murderer of Hippies, Avatar of Fury, Walking Desecration, Embodiment of Desolation, Impaler of Peasants, Drinker of Innocent Blood, Pandora's Box, Pirate of Perversity, President of inequity, Vicious Dog of Doom, Prince of Despair, The Malicious Murderer, Archduke of Disaster, Creator of Malevolence, Phantom of Debauchery, Tyrant of Depravity, Ghoul of Horror, Fiend of Dread, Bane of the Living, Executor of The Angelic, Defacer of The Saintly, Chief of Obscenity, Director of Contamination, Terror of The Night, Amplifier of Catastrophe, Kaiser of Calamity, Assassinator of The Pure, Emperor of Hatred, Conveyor of Indecency, Beast of Annihilation, Ripper of Ruin, Gold Card Member of The Meter Room, Awakener of Wickedness, Hellspawn of Hades, Committer of Crime, Twister of many Skulls, Dictator of Death, Chairman of Notoriousity, Locust of Famine, Mantis of the Apocalypse, Fang of the Poison Tooth, The Forever Decapitator, Master of the disembowelment arts, Pyromaniac of Persecution, Headmaster of Oppression, Deceptor of Dawn, Necromancer of the Putrid, Ultimus of The Graveborn, Eater of the dead, Scion of Pestilence, Wraith of Havoc, Evil Eye of Agony, Praetor of The Pit, The Shrieking Shriveler, Archon of Agony, Evincar of Foulness, Lich of Mutilation, Crusader of Treachery, Apparition Injustice, Painbringer of Purgery, Keeper of The Void, Sadist of Lobotomy, Ranger of Misfortune, Overseer of The Tainted, Titan of Extinction, Beacon of Incineration, Firebeast of the Inferno, Muse of the Wicked, Penumbra of Betrayal, Juggernaut of Pain, Hydra of Dominance, Force of Induldence, Stronghold of the Relentless, Legacy of Pandemonium, Shaver of Yaks, Vandalizing Drone, Lost but Seeking, Crusader for Injustice.
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Dear Tiamat,
So I can see you stuck with "Shaver of Yaks". It's a good title for you. I guess I can congratulate you on all those titles, if they weren't earned by such horrible means. But I'm not about to listen to your thousands of stories as to why you earned each and every one. For one, I doubt the webmistress has the space to do so. And for another, I'll even drone out of it. And I happen to be quite the listener.
Zelda
To all whom this would concern,
Rising Moon, Setting sun, dead and living, now are one. Darkest hour, coming soon, Setting Sun, Rising moon.
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*looks to the left then right*
Does this spell do evil...things? If so, I'm so chanting this over Zelda's sleeping body.
Link
Dear Zelda,
What has Jimmy been doing, anyway?
Orange Dae
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Dear Orange Dae,
Giving evil spells to Link. Now I have an eleventh toe. I hope you're ALL happy!
Zelda
Ayo, Marf!
No.
Ultima Jr.
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Ultima Jr.,
C'mooonnnnn....I'll be your friend.
Marth
Dear Roy,
Is that any way to talk to your dear old dad?
Your Father, Eliwood
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Eliwood,
I HAVE NO FATHER!!!!
Roy
Dear Zelda,
...You know, you look a hell of a lot like Sailor Moon. Were you, by any chance, Sailor Moon before you became Zelda or something?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
Just because I cos-played as Sailor Moon once, doesn't make me the legendary Princess of the Moon. I'm my own princess!
Yeah...besides, if she could fight crime...I wouldn't be wasting my time saving her all the time. I mean damn, I got other things to do ya know?
Oh like what? Cut your toenails and throw them at the kids in Kakariko Village? I know that's you doing that, by the way. Cut it out. I've been getting too many complaints.
You have NO proof of that! Don't make me use the spell again! I'll give YOU reason to throw toenails at people. Twelve of them! BUAHAHAHAHA!
As much as I love watching this...When are you two gonna make up?
Or makeout...
-_-
Zelda Roy Ganondorf and Link
Link,
I'm glad somebody found that useful. Try this:
Twisted magic, twisted fate, Force the land to ooze with hate.
Try this too:
Accursed bodies, accursed skin, Let the newfound strength begin.
I like the second one better, but it's all personal preference.
Burning vengeance, burning earth, consume them all in diety's birth.
Sifting truths, sifting lies, see the answer without your eyes.
Cry the anthem, cry the song, purge our land of all that's wrong.
Once again, I'm not Jimmy. I dare you to try all those out loud. Something just might happen...
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Dear Non-Jimmy person,
I did that one about the eyes, and I ended up with a third eye. Is that supposed to happen? How the hell do I get this thing off my forehead?! Cause...it's really ugly. And it's not even a matching color! I can't let Zelda see me like this! I need help!!!
Link
Dear Zelda,
do you get jealous if Saria or Malon or ANYBODY are with Link?
Anonimous Z
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Dear Anonimous Z,
I do not get jealous when people are with Link. Especially Malon or someone.
That's such a lie. She gets jealous over the tiniest of things. I'm serious. She would even spy in trees to see what me and Malon were talking about.
I can vouch for that. She fell out of a nearby tree once.
That wasn't because I was jealous! I'm not jealous! If anything, you two can fall in love! Go ahead! Make my day!!
Sure, alright. Me and Malon are dating now.
YOU'RE WHAT??? Noo!!!
See? Told you.
She only does that cause she has a crush on you.
Finally! Someone blatantly says it!
I do not!!!
Zelda Marth Link and Malon
Dear Zelda,
What if there was another piece of the Triforce? And what if the girl who had it was prettier than you? And what if she was more Kick-Ass than Link? And what if she was better with animals than Malon? And what if she had a better sense of fashion than Marth? And what if her hair was redder than Roys? And what if she was eviler than Ganondorf? What would you do?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
Someone prettier? hah!
No one is more kick ass than me, sorry.
A sense of fashion. Even Link can vouch that no one has more sense than me.
This is true. *swoons*
If someone was more evil than me, they'd become my henchman. Mostly because they'd be a moron and could be easily controlled.
I wonder what that person would be like...
[Webmistress note: That person...would be me.]
But what about the red hair?!
[Webmistress note: Well...I tried to dye my hair blonde once...and it turned out really red.]
So...there you have it people! Sarah would be that such person.
Zelda Link Roy Marth and Ganondorf
Dear Link,
Try covering it up with your hat. It goes away in about a week.
Hey Zelda, try using all thoe spells at once. Try it, you'll like it.
Non-Jimmy person
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Dear Non-Jimmy person,
Covering what up?
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO MENTION IT TO ZELDA!!!
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
OK I really, REALLY should be in bed right now seeing how its 4am, but you just updated so time for another email! I'm a tad hyper because I made myself cappicuno (I know how to make the powdered stuff actaully taste good! X3)
Zelda: Do you know if your going to be in the next Legend of Zelda game coming out for gamcube? And are you actually going to play a big role? Or is it going to be like the previous games?
Link: XD I'm happy you enjoyed my fanfiction! How were the lemons? I wish I could write more ff but nothing has inspired me yet...unless you want PWP. I can do that.
Marth: OK, I doubt you remember this, but on Beth's Ask page, I asked how heavy Samus' arm cannon was and you said it was pretty damn heavy because you got hit in the face when you were in an womens' (I think it was womens') yoga class or whatever. Just what were you doing there?
Gannondorf: Raspberry lotions sucks. Sweet Pea totally kicks ass.
Who should really start asking different questions in her emails instead of asking more about the same topic, Brenda
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Dear Brenda,
I've played a valuable role EVERY time the game was running! Link has to have a job. Not to mention in Wind Waker I played a VITAL role! I actually helped him fight!! The guys up there in Nintendo heaven have told me that they'll probably add me into the game. Pfft. They better.
I love any kind of writing. Especially when it talks about how awesome I am. I mean c'mon now...artists flock from miles around just to paint this lovely figure. Imagine what writers do!
Write romance novels? *swoons*
The raspberry lotions rules over you.
I was trying to learn yoga of course. The male's classes were full and I had no choice. Apparently the women do something very intimate with their classes so I was booted...or punched rather harshly from the area...and swiftly. I've never seen Samus move so fast.
Zelda Ganondorf Marth and Link
Hi everyone
Sorry I havent sent any e-mails to you guy and girls. I have been kind of busy lately. It is dragon hatching season here. I am so happy, Just yesterday I was made a dragon knight. I am so happy now I can fly through the air freely and have a friend with me all the time. But do not fear Malon I am still a loyal lover of you. Roy you are such a jackass, You sent me more porn pictures of zelda. For goddess sakes quite sending them to me, you ass. o, and acco i have changed my title happy now you asswipe.
From, Ryan the dragon knight
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Dear Ryan,
Such language! Regardless, um...happy being a dragon knight and all. I remember when Volvagia actually hatched up at Death Moutain. He was actually a cute little baby dragon. But maybe that's cause he got along with me.
That bastard always wanted to singe me. Damned lizard. I'm glad I put an end to him. Heh Heh...
I'm glad you remain loyal, Ryan. Much appreciative. *smiles* I want a dragon!
Roy, stop sending him fake pictures of me too. You're lucky to even set foot on the castle grounds.
So what if I'm good at photoshop. I certainly try. I at least have this punk convinced that it's you.
Zelda Link Malon and Roy
Dear Zelda,
Are you a lesbian? Because you seemed to really enjoy dressing up as Sheik. Maybe you wanted to pick up the ladies! But then again you spent a lot of time hitting on Link. So are you a gay man trapped in a woman's body? I will be sending the press corp and paparazzi over to Hyrule Castle to record your answer to the world.
~The Most Annoying Reporter Ever
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Dear most annoying reporter ever,
I'm not a lesbian. I merely dressed up like Shiek to escape the evil cluthes of Ganondorf. I mean, let me at least live and BREATHE for seven years until Link shows up. Gawd. Besides, I got to do so many interesting things as Shiek. I learned how to play the harp for one. Another was I have perfected the arts of breast taping. And believe me, it takes almost seven years to do so.
Zelda
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