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Dear Marth,
I was wondering where you got your uniform and armor. Is there a good armorer in Hyrule or Aritia who could make some for me? I want to save Hyrule! Also, Zelda, how do you think Link would look in Marth's clothes? I think this would be a nice change of pace for our Hero of Hyrule, Time, Winds, Seasons, etc.
Sincerely, The Wielder of the Fourth piece of the Triforce (Insanity), The Happy Mask Salesman (Formerly Nintendo Forever)
P.S.- My powers of crazyness override any other Triforce Power!!!!! *Laughs psychotically*I use the powers of Majora's Mask! I can make anyone go crazy, or even more so. Link, Ganondorf, etc., watch out!
P.P.S.- Hey Link, I got your hat! Girly-hair! Ha, ha, ha!!
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Dear Happy Mask Salesman,
I actually have my uniform hand tailored by a servant named Silvia. She's from down in the south and is trying to put herself through college with my payments. She's quite the talker once you get the conversation started. I've also tied her into doing some of Zelda's attire, and sometimes Link's when he needs a nice formal outfit or two.
I think that Link would look stunning in Marth's clothes. Once at a sleepover, we dressed in each other's stuff. (the males to the males, females to the females of course...that is until liquor was involved *sigh*) But yes, Link looked fabulous in Marth's outfit. It really brought out the blue in his eyes, I think.
Oh stop it! *blushes* Alright I admit, I did look rather good in Marth's attire. Mostly because the way his clothes are tailored, they show off my muscles so much! I mean, wow! I didn't know I was -that- buff. You want to save Hyrule? hah! You're gonna have to go through training with me first, son. Besides, you practically helped me save Hyrule by saving Termina. If that moon dropped, man...everything would have been gone.
AND LEAVE MY HAIR OUT OF THIS OKAY?!?!?! I had a bad hair cut!! Alright??? I'm still hunting that witch down who did my hair!
You did go a bit too far with that...he is rather sensitive about his hair...
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
I am eating popcorn. Isn't that just dandy?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
Sweet and tangy...like sour candy. *winks!*
Zelda
Dear Everyone,
Gannondorf is so fat, He could sell shade. Roy is so dumb, he sits on the TV and watches the coatch. But enough of that I have so poems that I wrote. Here they are.
THE CRIMES OF LINK Link with an axe, hit gannondorf 40 whacks, when he saw what he had done, he hit zelda forty-one.
THE CRIMES OF LINK< ROUND 2 Link with an axe, hit king zora 40 whacks, when he saw what he had done, he hit ruto forty-one.
I have got more, But neither they have sexuality or lots of violence.
From, Ryan the dragon knight
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He's trying to FRAME me! Look at him!!! LOOK AT HIM!!! I'd never cause harm to the people in my country!!! He's trying to get rid of me like he did with that other link guy!!! *runs off screaming*
Those are some interesting poems you have there...I mean, what with Link being a murderer and such. Interesting indeed.
That's COUCH!!! haha! And you call ME dumb! hah!! Besides, I've only done that once...and that was because I was too busy watching Marth look over some girly magazine and taking pictures of the scene.
...
You bastard.
Zelda Link Roy and Marth
Dear Milady Malon,
You said you wanted a dragon you have your wish. A few hours ago I picked up a dragon for you. She is an elemental dragon, her element is lightning and her name is thunderina. I went to the expense and got you some dragon care supplies that will last you until she reachs 5 months old. But by that time she should be fully grown and ready for you to ride her if you'll like to. Then you could have thunderina blast someone with her bolt breath attack. I will come by Lon Lon ranch personally to give you the dragon and supplies. When thunderina reaches 5 months of age let me now, I'll tell you the proper way to ride a dragon. And when i stop by i will have another present for you. I love you Malon, and I'll see you soon Milady.
From, Ryan the dragon knight
P.S I forgot something importent, when a dragon is older than 5 months it will eat meat so have plenty of it. If you need help with caring for thunderina just let me know and i will gladly assist you.
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Dear Ryan,
I can't believe that you actually got me a dragon! That's just simply amazing!! I mean, it's all for me?!?! *screams like a giddy schoolgirl* Wowww!! And you're gonna teach me to ride it?!
That's not all you'll ri-
LINK!!
...what?!
I'm absolutely great with animals too. So you don't have to worry about me mistreating it or anything! Wow you're so awesome!!
Zelda Link and Malon
Dear Ryan,
Yes, yes I am happy. Thank you for asking. *CoughFagboyCough*
~ Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Oh my my...My "ask zelda" section is getting my hatred disease...*blinks*
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Since you added a Malon profile thingy to your website, can you add Saria aswell? Saria is awesome and my favourite charatcer besides Malon. I hope they are in the new game! You know what? Malon is perfect for Link because every other main girl is either a sage, a kokiri or too old! So that leaves Malon. Hehehehe. It sucks how though when Link is 50 years old, Saria will still look like a 10 year old *sigh*
Love Malonaria
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Dear Malonaria,
It is a curse of the Kokiri indeed. Poor Saria. She's actually older than I am. Didn't know -that- did you?! But yeah, she's been around as long as I've ever known. I always knew about the sages, and what was to happen to them. Saria is actually one of my personal favorite people to hang around, next to Ruto. You'd think it would be Impa since she raised me, but that's not the case. I'll see what the webmistress can do about maybe adding Saria. She's swamped right now as far as characters go.
Perfect for Link? Why cause I'm a princess? And Ruto is? And Saria is a child forever? Nonsense. Age or status of living shouldn't effect love! Not that I'm complaining or anything...cause...I mean...Link can pick whoever he wants. I mean, even if it's not me...it's just fine...heh...yeah...absolutely fine.
*coughs*
A lot of people have asked me why I don't ask Link to be with me. Mostly I don't because my father wants it too badly. I have some feeling that if I get with Link that he'll rush me to do even more. To marry him and such. I'm just ready for that big of a push. So I'm looking for a man that my father doesn't even -know-. So yeah..*giggles*
No one shall know of my love! Ha ha! This is when Link becomes the strong silent type! NOT TELLING ANYONE!!
*coughs again*
Zelda Marth Link and Malon
Dear Malon,
Kiss me, my one true love.
From, Ryan the dragon knight
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Dear Ryan,
Oh my...*blushes*
Whoa Whoa wait a minute...just who's page is this?! If anything -I- should be the one getting the affection around here! It's MY site!! *cries*
*looks to the left, then to the right*...Zelda?
*sigh* Alright...so I can be lonely at times. Alright? But damn..I mean, I figured I would be the one getting hounded and chased!
But you are...people are chasing you to chase...Link.
*lunges at Zelda and plants a big kiss on her lips* ha HA!! I finally did it! I finally-
!!!!!!!! THIS EMAIL IS OVER!!
Zelda Marth Link and Malon
Dear Zelda,
Ever had Pocky? I did wen I was real little. It was good. Will you buy me some Pocky? Please?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I've actually never had pocky. Mostly because they never sell anything like that here. Though I think Link is starting to develop a friendship with Darien Shields, and I'm sure he'll have some. So maybe just maybe I'll get my first taste. And when that happens, sure I'll get you some.
Zelda
Dear Malon,
Hug me! Hug me! Hug me! Hug me!
From, Ryan the dragon knight
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Dear Ryan,
*hugs tightly* hehe, you're a lively one ^^;...*giggles*
*rolls eyes* Nayru help me...
Zelda and Malon
Dear Zelda,
Link really does look like he is wearing pink lipstick when you look at the screen shots of the one game on the sean thing? I am serious, that game looks very fruity. There is, however that thing with the bears where you can replay it, only you're wearing a dress. What are your top 10 least favorite cartoon characters? What's Link's top 10 least favorite cartoon characters? If I don't know where they're from, can you say what they're from? This will help me greatly.
Sicko Sammy
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Dear Sicko Sammy,
I think Link was in fact wearing lipstick during those shoots. Mostly cause Marth put it on him in his sleep. I guess he neglected to look in the mirror before going out on stage.
WHAT?!?!
*snickers*
Top ten cartoon characters. Well...I guess it would go something like this:
1. Link 2. Vash the stampede (so sexy) 3. Aladdin from Disney (also sexy) 4. Spike 5. Robin (witch hunter robin) 6. Serena (sailormoon) 7. Kyoko (Inuyasha) 8. Norb (angry beavers) 9. Homer Simpson 10. The green guy from Fairy odd parents
There you have it.
*blinks and compiles his lists* Hrm...
1. Link (first Zelda game) 2. Link (Zelda 2) 3. Link (Link to the Past) 4. Link (Ocarina of time) 5. Link (Majora's mask) 6. Link (Oracle of Ages) 7. Link (four swords...especially red) 8. Link (new game coming out..so sexy!) 9. Zelda (since she added me) 10. Dag (Angry beavers)
...*rolls eyes*
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
They stole my idea. My idea for YOU! Then they screwed it up.
You don't want to know.
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Dear Someone,
Idea...for...me? I was gonna be a MOVIE STAR?!?! *stars in eyes*
Zelda
Dear Malon,
Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!
From, Ryan the dragon knight
P.S. I was forced to say that. Ooooh the humility.
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Dear Ryan,
She can't come to the computer right now. She's in the bathroom.
ZELDA!!!
Oh...there you are.
Zelda and Malon
Dear losers,
In IQ#116 you forgot IQ theatre! You guys blow enough to forget IQ theatre! How much oregano were you smoking when you made it? Try not to be such dumbasses!
Yours truly, Nobody
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Dear Nobody,
Such INSULTS! When I find out who this is..you best bet I'm comin' for you! BE AFRAID!
At least he put a nice and gentle closing. I guess he has some manners.
Zelda and Marth
Dear Zelda,
I didn't know salamanders could be red! I want proof! If I don't get some, then that means Mr. sage is a liar!
Froggy
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Dear Froggy,
Any creature that is red in the wilderness means poison. So I would highly suggest you not getting any to begin with. But, to settle your curiosity, I have found a lizzard that fits such descriptions.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I need to know where to buy declarations of war. My neiboring country has been slaughtering our chickens! We will not stand for this! You've been in so many, so I need some help getting started. I needed those chickens!
Colanal Sanders
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Dear Colanal Sanders,
Actually, I got quite the stack in my office. I mean we've never declared war, so...it works out for both of us. I get rid of useless papers, you get to declare war!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
So vibrant, so beutiful... If you stick the first letter in back of your name you get Eldaz.
What happened? You were such a nice little princess, and now you are a whining (Explicitive deleted).
From, The Spanish Inqisition
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Dear Spanish Inquisition,
I've always been a nice little princess. It's when people are mean to me that I turn into a little (explicitive language deleted).
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Happy Little Narwhal! What's your favorite curse word?
Nameless Narwhal
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Dear Nameless Narwhal,
I never curse! So I don't have a favorite one.
She's such a liar...it's actually (explicitive language deleted).
Zelda and (explicitive language deleted)
Dear Malon,
I laid an egg for you. Will you hatch it?
Love, Clucky
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Dear Clucky,
I'd be happy to! ^__^!!
Malon
Dear Wenches of the Castle,
I invite you to the washing wench well party. We go down to the well, and wash wenches and their laundry. It is good fun, espially the limbo. Will you join us? All wenches will get wet.
From, Washing Wench
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Dear Washing Wench,
Wenches? We don't have any we-
Zelda will be right over! She LOVES limbo!
...
Zelda and Link
Dear Link,
I'm kicking a** and taking names!
Kid Wicked- back from his gnarly quest!
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Dear Wicked,
Well, when you come to kick my ass, I'll be taking YOUR name! ha HA!
...*sigh*
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda and Roy,
I challenge both of you to sing a duet! Then Duel me!
Dueling duet of death
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Dear Dueling duet of death,
What are you TRYING to make us lose? Put me with frickin' ROY?! I mean, that's suicide. Me and him totally clash. We're definitely no duet. How about like..me and Link. Or even me and Marth. Hell...me and Malon would stand a better chance.
People just can't handle the Roy-man...man.
Zelda and Roy
Dear Link,
The new moon of the wolf is upon us! You are our guest of honor, at the wolf festival! Bring a ribbon for the maypole, and raw hunks of meat to feed to Fenrir, the hero wolf! We have also prepared a feast for everyone. Just don't pet ricky, though. He's vicious. Just to clue you in: we are all very big furry dogs. I'm the shaggy one with black fur that can type.
Priscilla, the shaggy doggy.
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Dear Priscilla,
A dog party eh?! Not the first one I've been to. You should have seen Zelda's slumber party. Man! Best dog party I ever crashed!
Link! *growls*
hahahahahaha! MAN! You gotta admit, that was a good one.
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
I'm a sad, sad, rocker! I get addicted to alcahool! I fall down every time I get up! My girlfriend is the only thing that holds me together! I throw up in the toilet, while my band rocks out! MY SINGING IS TERRIBLE! Some poeple like it! I'm a sad, sad rocker!
Sad lead singer of a band
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Dear sad lead singer of a band,
You should join an emo rock group. You'd fit right in. No joke, man.
Zelda
Dear Zelda and co.,
*Smirks*
Love, An Amused Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
Oh my God. haha! I remember that!! I couldn't stop laughing, I was in tears!!
-_-'
I'm SORRY Link! I thought I told you that a thousand times! I so didn't mean to go that low with the blow.
Haha...blow. Yeah that's what you like to d-
[Webmistress note: Roy has been suspended from answering questions for 3 days.]
Zelda Marth Suspended Roy (again) and Link
Dear Zelda and Link,
Why is your life bar pink hearts? When you get a heart container, do you have your blood pump faster with adrenaline? Do you love stuff more when your life bar is refilled? If the great fairy re-fills your life bar, do you love her?
Mr. bomb
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Dear Mr. Bomb,
When I get my life bar filled...It means I'm more in touch with nature. I tend to love things more...and don't breath as heavily.
I guess it does mean love. Cause whenever I fill my heart containers...I just want to save Zelda -that- much more. *swoons*
...
You love more?! Here! Have some of mine!!!
Zelda and Link
Dear Everyone,
Hey, I am Tyler the Demon Slayer. My arsenal consists of the legendary Exodra sword, a battle axe, a large boomerang that is as big as me, a throwing scyth, and a bow. Just to let you guys know, I am 6 foot 3 inches tall. I am freinds with Ryan the Dragon Knight. It's nice to talk to such famous people. Ganondorf, you might just have a freind some time soon. Besides, I'm also kind of evil. I have an extremely evil side to me. Oh and Roy, Ryan says that you are a big ass PIMP. Oh yeah, I also like to bug the living hell out of people sometimes.
Tyler the Demon Slayer
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Dear Tyler,
Nice of you to come to us. I guess any friend of Ryan's is a friend of ours.
Tell Ryan that I said hi! The dragon is doing great, btw. Just thought I'd let you know that. k thx!
You're not MY friend if you're gonna be evil. Especially if you're gonna be Ganondorf's friend and not mine. What's up with that? Why doesn't anyone wanna be -my- friend?! *sobs*
...
I'm your friend, dork.
Zelda Malon and Link
Dear Zelda,
I am bored. Are you bored? Do I dare ask you? Do you like Silver or Gold best? What about you Marth? What type of movies do you like best? I like horror. What do you call it when people get married in Hyrule? Can you get a divorce in Hyrule? Do you have funerals? Or do you cremate your people? Do you eat their body parts to inherit their wisdom like they do in some part of the world here? Any religious rules? Like, you can't sing on the third Wednesday of June because Jane the Singer was killed by Din on that day? Any customs?
Ever had Black-bean chilli?
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
I'm slightly bored yes. But I guess I'm hanging in. As for gold or Silver? I don't like pokemon. I always liked a nice horror movie, then end it with a comedy. I mean that makes a perfect movie night for me. Getting married? Well...we call it "getting wed". You know like...Roy and Marth are going to wed tomorrow's eve. Or whatever. You -can- get a divorce. Though it is slightly horrid to do so. When you get a divorce, the husband has to commit suicide. It's rather ugly, if you ask me. As for funerals...well, obviously if husbands kill themselves. And obviously we don't cremate. Look how full the graveyard is! Mr. Dampe would really be out a job then. Customs. I guess you can see all types of customs. Like in Termina...we've started to pick up the custom of the night of the masks. I guess more or less it's a celebration of Link saving us...yet again. Almost all our festivals are based off of him.
*beams*
I've never had black-bean chilli. I hate chilli beans.
Zelda and Link
Dear Roy,
Why the white pants? It's way past labor day! Have you no fashion sense?
Love, Fil, Princess of perfection
PS I'm better than you, ego freak.
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Dear Fil,
If you weren't such a loud mouth, I'd consider swooning you over like I've done to several other women around here and such. But now you're nothing but a pathetic (explicitive language deleted)!
Wow...FCC has made their way to the site. Crazy.
Roy and Link
Dear Zelda,
this is one of my most stupid questions but... do you like Dracula? and if you do he might like you back so... Check your neck every morning!!!
Anonimous Z
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Dear Anonimous Z,
The thought of vampires fascinate me. I've read all the books and watched all the movies! So yeah, I like Dracula. Especially that cereal..with the count guy on there.
Any neck bites are probably from Link.
heh...heh...
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
I just think you'd like to see this. I found it in Bacon Man's Locker. He works at the circus. He's also a superhero, but has caused more harm than heroism... ___________________________________________________________________________ Day one I saw them. The spiders; gashing things and eating their insides. I'll never be the same. Stop this! No stop this! Stop the pain tonight! The magic portrait spoke to me today. It said that Link needs a tiara too. The voices never stop. The voices in my head. It circled and circled and circled my head. The painful feeling will never go dead. I've got to stop this pain tonight.
Day Two I'm feeling sorta headstrong right now, like I could beat the living crap out of anyone in the room. I dob't know why I want to fight, though. Why do I want to instigate for my cruel and callous acts of violence? I need some help. I've got to break it. I've got to break the cuckoo clock.
Day Three I'm going to get Pietro to propose to Luanne today. I got shocked by the pig killer and the voices stopped. Then I was turned into bacon by the processor. This was a horrible halloween. Now the voices are coming back... ___________________________________________________________________________ Disturbing... I don't know what to make of this. Any advice for the talking bacon?
Love, Ajax O'Brien
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Dear Ajax O'Brien,
That's very disturbing. But nothing new. I find pages like that in Link's diary everyday.
...
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
I'm Mr. Bucket! Buckets of fun! My game is impossible unless you cheat, and putting balls with cups in my head until you get all 3 in. The catch is, that I poop them out every two seconds at 1 million miles per hour! FUN!!???!!!!!!!!!???!!!
Note from Editor: He kicked the bucket a few days ago. We all miss him. Not.
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Dear Mr. Bucket (deceased),
I hated you so much when I was a kid. I could NEVER get those stupid balls in at the same time. AND you almost killed Link in the process. He almost swallowed one of those things that you launched at him!
I'm soooo tempted to say a ball joke about Link..but I'll get suspended again.
Zelda and Roy
Dear Malon,
I want to break free! End my misery! Untangle my chains of doubts and fears, find the garage door key! Oh, how I want to break free!
People call me crazy for a reason. When you write to the best, don't mess with the rest!
Your biggest fans, Crushra, Cursra, Deathra, Corrra, Gloora, Doorraa, and Greenra
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Dear fans,
...is that a song?
Malon
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