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Dear Link,
Can I have the Kokiri Emerald? Please? Eggman took all mine.
-- Sonic the Hedgehog
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Dear Sonic,
Need the emerald? Man! Eggman took all yours?! That bastard! Sure thing. I mean if you promise to return it.
Link! You can't just give up the Kokiri emerald! You couldn't get to the Master Sword!
Oh yeah....
This guy PROTECTS me. No wonder I get captured all the time. *sigh*
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
I'm interested to know; how did you get along with Fox McCloud and Falco Lombardi in Super Smash Bros. Melee?
-Katie-hime
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Dear Katie,
Me and Falco aren't on friendly tearms...at all. I mean the bastard stole my last sandwich on my lunchbreak the other day. What bastard does that?! I mean I'm starving here, look at me! I"m skin and bones! If Thanksgiving wasn't already here and gone, I would have roasted his tailfeathers in my oven. Fox on the otherhand. Why does EVERYONE ask about him?! Have the rumors gotten to YOU too?! No! Nothing happened between us. We made no deals to move to Mexico and breed fox children. WHOEVER YOU HEARD THAT FROM PLEASE DON'T CONTINUE THE RUMOR!!! IT IS FALSE!!
*snickers*
Zelda and Roy
Dear Link,
I think you should pay more attention to Malon, she´s better than zelda.
>_<
Anonimous M
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Dear Anonimous M,
Such a rude thing for anyone to say. Pay attention to whom more? It doesn't really matter -who- I pay attention to, I still get the shaft regardless. Besides, Malon has been trotting around singing about some knight she met or something. I don't know, it's been driving me nuts. Cause I've forgotten Epona's song and she won't even tell me it! *grumbles* Regardless, Zelda may appear to be this fierce, angry, overly sensitive princess. But really, she's quite a peach under all of that. You just gotta catch her in the right mood, really. She's just stressed is all, and I'm understanding of that. Plus...I lo- er...I love the fact she's always here for the community.
...?
Zelda and Link
Whats happenin sexualy between you an link.
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Dear stranger (yet again...),
Nothing has happened sexually between the two of us. And I'd kindly ask you to stop leaving such messages like this! They're quite rude!
If only you could answer the question...*sigh*
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Have you been to any operas lately?
Love, George
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Dear George,
I've actually never been to one. More or less because they don't exist around here.
So how did you know what one was...?
Cause Roy invited me to one, once. And I did intense research on what an Opera was so that I wasn't walking into a trap. We ended up not going, but it had nothing to do with what one was. It was more or less cause he couldn't afford it.
Yeah, cause his parents wouldn't give him the money. They're afraid of their little man growing up and dating women.
I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Zelda Marth Roy and Link
Dear Zelda,
http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/index.html
*Laughs Ass Off*
XD XD XD XD XD
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
...
That was incredibly twisted.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THEY HAD RIFLES!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *bothers Zelda* BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!!!
Dear God...get it off me.
Zelda and Link
Dear Link,
Happy holidays, you bastard!
Sicko Sammy
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Dear Sicko Sammy,
Happy Easter, ya asshole!
Link
Dear Zelda,
Hey, what's up! How are things in Hyrule? Falco's been driving me nuts lately...maybe you, me, Link, Roy and Marth could get together sometime and hang out or something?
Sincerly, Fox McCloud
P.S: I almost forgot to mention; Link, you still owe me $50.
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Dear Fox McCloud,
I think that would be wondrous! I mean I haven't seen you in the longest time. Sorry that I haven't been around at the studio and such. Just haven't been feeling well lately...not fighting fit and such. Plus I have other fish to fry.
I wouldn't suggest using that term around Ruto, Zelda. You know how vicious she could be.
True...I need to break that habit huh? But yeah, Fox. I'd love to see ya sometime. Maybe we can spar some or something. I'm sure that Falco's been driving you nuts. I can't stand the prick. Sandwich stealing...mo...fo...
...shit!
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Jan, out highest ranking female on the team, says Link WOULD look good on a leash. Sorry, Link.
On a better note, we may be receiving a busted up hummer we could fix. That will be awesome because some of us have to carpool from lack of cars to carry equipment. See you around.
Carl and the dudes at Team Hypnox (A little less crappy today)
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Dear Carl,
Nice that you got a hummer there. I bet that's an interesting ride. Well..at least when you get it working. Welp...looks like the vote's in, Link...pay up.
...shit!
*laughs* I knew this was gonna be a quick ten bucks.
Who would have thought eh? I mean, I never considered having Link in a leash. But he -does- look rather attractive.
*sighs* You mean people...*sifts in his pockets* You'll take 10 one's right...?
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
I haven't written to you in a while. Nearly a WHOLE PAGE! So.... I'm rather bored, even though its the first day of the holidays for me....Do you like McDonalds? Do they even have McDonalds in Hyrule? Or do they call it something else?
Love Malonaria
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Dear Malonaria,
We have something that's kinda like a McDonalds. Except we call it "Mad Malon's Meat Market". Boy don't we LOVE broiling up those cows in Hyrule!
*shudders* You...you...MONSTER!! We don't do that!!!! *cries*
Oh shit...I didn't think she was supposed to find that out. Way to go Zelda!
Zelda Malon and Link
Dear Zelda,
Would you like to save Link whenevr he is in trouble insead of him saving you?
Anonimous S
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Dear Anonimous,
There's this cheap game out there called "Gamelon" Where I actually -do- save Link. It's pretty crappy, but at least I get a chance to be a hero. I wouldn't mind saving him, actually. It was quite fun. I mean especially when he was there tied up, the poor soul. It was funny taking a picture of him.
She wouldn't even let me give her a "thank you" kiss either. -_-
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
I was going out on patrol, when I passed a dopleganger. It tried to steal my body, but I shook it off. It then turned into a bull, and chased me into a river. For geting that doplegangers can change shape, I took advantage of this, and shot at it with my gun. It quickly turned it's horns into a large metal sheild, and deflected the bullets. I didn't know it could just change parts of it's self into things. While I was surprised about this, It had disappeared. Then I found him. He was a large aligator now. It snapped at me, but I tried to get out. My van was close. It had all kinds of weapons in it to destroy this monster. Once I got out of the river, it did something I wouldn't expect... It turned into you, The princess of Hyrule! Now, this is the main part of the letter, because I had no idea you could fly, shoot eyebeams, extend your limbs to great lengthes, and shoot fire balls like a machine-gun! Whith all this, you gave me chase better then the terminator would ever dream of! Now, If you have all these powers, why do you need Link to do all your dirty work? I thought it over, and thought that you only have those powers when you have all of the triforce pieces, but I could be wrong. I'm just letting you know what you could be missing. By the way, I eventually got to my weapons van, and blew up the dopleganger to kingdom come with a grenade cannon.
Secret agent Man
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Dear Secret agent Man,
Weird that such a thing happened with that and all. I don't see myself with such powers. But MAN if that COULD happen if I have all the pieces...just imagine.
See...look what you did. You TOLD them what the Triforce does. You bastard. Now EVERYONE'S gonna want it...I mean, moreso than now and...all. Yes...
I must keep Ganondorf AND Zelda from the Triforce then.
But why?!?!
Well, cause I'd be out of a job. *sighs*
Zelda Ganondorf and Link
Dear Ganondorf,
....Um, I can't remember what I was going to ask you. Oh well.
Love, Acco(The Kenshin obsessed girl)
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Dear Acco,
...
HAH! Live MY world now, Ganondorf!
Zelda and Ganondorf
Dear Zelda,
Where have all the cookies gone?
Me
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Dear You,
Probably eaten by all those missing cowboys.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I NEVER LIKED YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link (Malon)
He he ...
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Dear "Link",
Malon, stop trying to make my life easier by getting Link off my hide.
...
Wait...
Zelda
How old are you.
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At least put a question mark at the end of your email if it's a question. Regardless, I'm...wait...I'm not telling you my age! You're a conspirator! You're trying to find out my information AREN'T YOU!!!! *screams*
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
How's dem COWBOYS?
Earl
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Dear Earl,
Gotta ask Malon about that. By the way, How's yer cattle?!
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
I don't know why your fans think your a lesbian. There's really no one for you to choose from. I should take you to a couple girly joints sometime. You'd love it.
Impa
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Dear Impa,
...
Not this again...
Zelda
Dear Link,
would you ever like if Saria or Zelda or even Malon would save you?
Friend of Anonimous Z
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Dear person,
I'd LOVE it if Zelda would save me all the time! Then I could give a "Thank you" kiss!
Or at least try to...
True...
Link and Marth
Dear Link,
I'm not compensating for anything. I take you're implying that for a dragon, I have small genitalia. Dragons spawn like fish. The female lays an egg, and the male fertilizes it with a sacrifice to the fire god. For some multi-headed dragons like me, especially ones with different gendered heads like me, this can become very confusing. Not that's enough about dragon's reproductive system, but Link, why would you be thinking about perverted things like this in the first place? Are you becoming evil too?
Tiamat, Lord of the wastes, King of darkness, Master of evil, Hound of the resurrection, Slayer of the innocent, Devourer of Souls, Overlord of the Undead, Destroyer of Empires, Nightmare to all, Demon of Chaos, Supreme Rock Master, Bringer of Misery, Plague of Fear, Butcher of Hylians, Murderer of Hippies, Avatar of Fury, Walking Desecration, Embodiment of Desolation, Impaler of Peasants, Drinker of Innocent Blood, Pandora's Box, Pirate of Perversity, President of Inequity, Vicious Dog of Doom, Prince of Despair, The Malicious Murderer, Archduke of Disaster, Creator of Malevolence, Phantom of Debauchery, Tyrant of Depravity, Ghoul of Horror, Fiend of Dread, Bane of the Living, Executor of The Angelic, Defacer of The Saintly, Chief of Obscenity, Director of Contamination, Terror of The Night, Amplifier of Catastrophe, Kaiser of Calamity, Assassinator of The Pure, Emperor of Hatred, Conveyor of Indecency, Beast of Annihilation, Ripper of Ruin, Gold Card Member of The Meter Room, Awakener of Wickedness, Hellspawn of Hades, Committer of Crime, Twister of many Skulls, Dictator of Death, Chairman of Notoriousity, Locust of Famine, Mantis of the Apocalypse, Fang of the Poison Tooth, The Forever Decapitator, Master of the Disembowelment Arts, Pyromaniac of Persecution, Headmaster of Oppression, Deceptor of Dawn, Necromancer of the Putrid, Ultimus of The Graveborn, Eater of the dead, Scion of Pestilence, Wraith of Havoc, Evil Eye of Agony, Praetor of The Pit, The Shrieking Shriveler, Archon of Agony, Evincar of Foulness, Lich of Mutilation, Crusader of Treachery, Apparition of Injustice, Painbringer of Purgery, Keeper of The Void, Sadist of Lobotomy, Ranger of Misfortune, Overseer of The Tainted, Titan of Extinction, Beacon of Incineration, Firebeast of the Inferno, Muse of the Wicked, Penumbra of Betrayal, Juggernaut of Pain, Hydra of Dominance, Force of Indulgence, Stronghold of the Relentless, Legacy of Pandemonium, Shaver of Yaks, Vandalizing Drone, Lost but Seeking, Crusader for Injustice, Despiser of Law, Renewer of Abhorrence, Exploiter of Exploitation, Negator of Faith, Shaman of Ill-will, Fist of Destitution, Harasser of all he Surveys, Poker of Bunnies, Defiler of Flowerbeds, Defecator into Mailboxes, Urinator into Lemonade, Tipper of Cows, Mass suicide Leader of Lemmings, Stabber of Hearts, Gift giver of Trix to the Trix Bunny, Thief of Tiger stripes (Mainly Tony's), Biper of Human Intestine, Breathstealer of Embezzlement, Sultan of Serpents, Baron of Befoulment, Monarch of Gloom, Slicer into stomachs, Commander of Sloth, Wind Beast of Uncouthness, Chimera of Avarice.
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Dear Tiamat,
...
That's so sick. I'm never insulting a person ever again. I don't wanna FIND out things when I do!!! *runs off screaming*
Link
Dear Ganondorf,
I'm not that ugly! Blame it on my parents genetics and my slight crazyness. I got my insanity when that stupid skull kid took Majora's Mask, and a few years back when Link didn't pay for the masks when he was a child. I never made close friendships when I was little, since of my facial condition. Since then, my face has always been contorted like this. Also, yes, they have some bombchu's in stock, about 1,000. I think they get them from that man in the desert who I met in my travels around Hyrule. Sometimes I buy them and let them loose around Hyrule Field for fun. Whee, death to innocent little animals! Die, die, die! WHEE!!!
Sincerely, Vespasianus Antonius Severinus (Ves, if you like.)
P.S.- If you need any other weapons or gadgets, go to the Bazaar, they even have crossbows with 500 gold bolts for 2,000 rupees!
P.P.S.- Link, what's so funny about my name? I like my Roman style nomen! (Yes, I took Latin in school, so sue me)
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Dear Ves,
I like it when I bring someone down so far as to start insulting themselves without my own help. I absolutely love it.
Absolutely nothing is funny...heh heh...pisa...
Ganondorf and Link
Dear Shmelda,
Have you ever been to beebland? Beebland is THE best place! The beebs' best place. The beebs are mysterious and colorful. No one know what they are, and if you think you know what they are, they'll kill you. First, they'll suck you heart out of your body, and then, they'll give you so much liquid, that you'll bloow up, just like Bo Rai Cho from Mortal combat. Then, when you're finally dead, They'll impale parts of your corpse on different bunches of sticks, and then they take the sticks and put them on the top of a hill for all to see. Then they dance around the sticks with flames. As they come closer and closer, the flames grow bigger and bigger, and soon, your corpse and soul will be devoured by flames. They're barbaric, aren't they?
From: The Man from Beebland a.k.a YOUR MOM. (to the max)
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Dear man guy,
Sounds like a GREAT vacation spot! C'mon Link! Let's go!!!
...
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Would you like to save Link once instead of him saving you????
Anonimous Sp
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Dear Anonimous Sp,
Talk about overkilling a subject...
Zelda
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