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DEAR ZELDA AND LINK
WELL I WANTED TO TELL U BOTH THAT I LOVE U GUYS SINCE U GUYS WERE SMALL AND I ADMIRE U ZELDA U ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND LINK U ARE SO HOT!!! WELL I WANTED TO ASK U GUYS WHY DONT BOTH OF U GUYS GET MARRIED THAT WOULD BE A PERFECT SCENE!!! WELL LOVE U GUYS BYE
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DEAR SHOUTER,
THANK YOU FOR APPRECIATING ME AND THE OTHERS. IT REALLY MAKES US SMILE EVERYDAY KNOWING THAT YOU LOVE US ALL. CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.
ZELDA
Dear Zelda and friends,
Howdy ho. I apologize for not doing anything involving my existance. I am currently counting down what little school days I have left and struggling to get internet to my sexy laptop. I heart it so.
So I go to IGN and see that Super Smash Bros Brawl is coming out for Wii. First, isn't Wii a retarded name for a system? And what do you think of the graphics? I think they look a little choppy.
Coocoocaachuu, The Nena (Brenda)
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Dear Brenda,
Quite frankly I'm not too happy with the wii. It is choppy and my beautiful face shouldn't be on such trash. Hah.
Conceited, are we?
Silence.
I want a sexy laptop. Oh wait..I do have one. *pets it preciously*
Eww, he's petting it again...
Zelda Marth Roy and Link
Dear Zelda, and all of her Fan boys,
...
SHE'S MARRIED! UNDERSTAND THAT! SHE'S MARRIED TO VAATI AND PREGNANT WITH TWINS. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR F*CKING SKULLS. JEEZ.
ok. I'm better now.
By the way, old me, What kind of music do you listen to? Are you pissed off at Vaati? Are you gonna go cry and find one of your fan girls to marry you instead of Zel?
I GOT A NEW PUPPY! HIS NAME IS FLEA! SO NOW I HAVE A PUPPY NAMED FLEA. AND ONE NAMED ZELDA.
XP
With love, (To Zelda and the Web mistress) Young FREAKIN link. Dammit/
I came, I saw, I couquered. - Caeser Playing- Rome, Total War. (w00t! GO ROMANS)
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Dear Young Link,
Thank you for protecting me from savage blood-thirsty men that gather at my door. *pats him*
I'm not TOO sore about what is happening. I still think Vaati is a chump. I'll just knock him around if he ever hurts Zelda.
I still find it twisted that Zelda ended up with a villian. I mean...isn't that creepy to anyone?
Yeah...that is kinda creepy.
But what if he's not one anymore?
Creepy.
Yeah, definitely creepy.
-_-'
Zelda Marth and Link
Everyone,
Wow, you finaly got Sarah to update it... Wow... So, ONTO THE QUESTION!
Link, how the HELL did you kill things with a wooden sword? (Like in those game boy/SNES ones)
Oh, by the way, Marth, I MAY have burned down your bed room, while carrying a boiling hot pot of fire seeds (Yes I have some... Maybe) Oh, and it was totaly... by accident... Yeah...
From, Hüro, teh pwning wonder
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Dear Huro,
I like how we make the webmistress out to be some slave in a basement with chains.
...that wasn't our intent? Man then why did you ask me to buy all these chai-
Shut up.
YOU BURNED DOWN MY ROOM?!?!
*pats* There there...
No...there is no "there there". YOU BURNED DOWN MY ROOM????
Now might be the time to put that wooden sword into action...
EWWWW SEXUAL INNUENDO! I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR "WOODEN SWORD"! UGH! SICK!
*slaps Roy*
Zelda Marth Roy and Link
Dear Zelda,
I couldn't remember your email. I ran all over your site looking for your stinking email, but still could not find it. Eventually I just checked my hotmail contacts list and there you were, but still. I'm cranky. I don't know why. Perhaps it's PMS? Do you get PMS? The last few weeks I was really mean to my parents, and the other day they decided to get me a new phone and a new hair straightener, and I felt really bad because all I did was be bitchy to them.
Anywyays.... HIYA! I've missed you. And Link. And Marth. And Roy. And Malon. And even Ganandorf!
I'm so happy that Sarah finally decided to get off her lazy ass!
Did this email have any point?
.... No, I don't think so.
Love Malonaria
P.S.: And Roy, watch out for Huro. He's starting an army to fight you.
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Dear Malonaria,
I know what you mean..I suffer from PMS all the time...at least according to Link.
Calling it PMS is such an understatement. haha
silence
Army, eh? Huro doesn't stand a chance. He's a monkey.
*snicker* monkey
Man PMS is much more dangerous.
Zelda Roy and Link
Dear Zelda,
How would you like to be Ann Darrow's stuntwoman? We're having lunch at the Empire State building after I beat up the T-rex. Care to come?
Signed, King Kong
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Dear King Kong,
I'm not much for stunts. Sure I can kick severe butt in high heels. But I'm pretty much defending myself, too. Though lunch does sound really tempting...as long as I'm not the main menu.
...you're not related to Donkey Kong, are you?
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Other than Link, do you have any other friends in the anime world like Yugi, Jaden, or Ash?
Star Foxxer
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Dear Star Foxxer,
I have tons of friends. If they're animated and made with lines and paint, I'm their buddy.
She'd also do anyone that was lines and paint.
TOTALLY NOT TRUE.
*runs off cackling*
Zelda and Link
dear link
It's me wolfie again thanks for the phone number i got you something (gives him a box with a new green hat inside with a card that says from wolfie) i hope you like it!!!!! by the way I am your biggest fan.
from Wolfie
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Dear wolfie,
Thank heavens you got him a new hat. It's been starting to have the foulest stench known to man.
HEY! I happen to consider this hat good luck!
Maybe because the enemy runs from you from the smell?
HEY! I...wait...You really think THAT'S the reason they've been doing it?!
Why do you think Ganondorf hasn't been helping in answering emails?
...
Touche.
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Just how much of a whore is Peach? I'd bet she can't outwhore me! I'm the biggest whore in the universe! I challenge her to a formal whore-off at city hall tomorrow at noon! She'd better be there or the streets will run yellow with piss!
Notlih Sirap
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Dear Notlih Sirap,
That is, by far..the grossest thing I've ever read in my entire life.
OH SHE'LL BE THERE, MAN. SHE'LL. BE. THERE!
...
Zelda and Link
Dear Am Zelda,
Me am apologizing for not am writing in so long. Me am so happy happy smile lucky fortune am see being you am cominging back. Cousin Urine queen in house of am flying catfish to am ing massive hysteria from thinker woman statue novel on toilet closet. Cousin Urine Queen go to strange bizzare for bell of lumpy cat. High tides am keepinming am house flood of great ruination for bonk on head and computer man memory. Keyboard and speak woofers no am work for thirty nickle nights. Speak woofer tweat still broke. High tides stop am you?
Mao Tse-tung
PS Urine Queen am saying "Hello" telling time.
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Dear Mao,
I've missed you Mao! No need to apologize. I can see you've been quite busy with tweating woofers and high tides. No high tides here yet. I'll keep you posted.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
Wow, I didn't expect to be here again. I thought you were dead and cremated last year. I bought those funeral flowers for nothing! Anywho, I have a few questions.
I- Do you hate me? II- Are you sure? III- If all the oceans were oceans of whiskey, where would pee go? IV- Why are roman numerals so cool? V- Do you remember me? VI- How many leagues in a furlong?
Thank you, and I'm still sick as ever.
Sicko Sammy
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Dear Sicko Sammy,
Yeah, I so didn't die. You didn't really buy those flowers for nothing. They looked GREAT in the window sill!
Send her flowers again, and we'll be buying funeral flowers for -you-. I so got these questions!
I- Yes, with a passion. II- Positive. III- On your front lawn. IV- I don't know..maybe it's the I's. They're really spiffy to type. V- Yes, sadly. VI- I...don't know.
Din forbid anyone is nice around here.
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
Its been a while now, hasn't it. I'm still working on rebuilding my enormous array of titles, but my original plan has not been forgotten. Thermonuclear gerbils for all!
I hope your carriage has fire insurance, chief.
Tiamat, Avatar of Woe, Thief of Breath, Gnasher of Souls, Gold Card Member of the Meter Room
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Dear Tiamat,
Yeah, I'm answering the question. Whatcha gonna do?! I thought you had turned good. So what's up with the thermonuclear gerbils for? And yeah...we have fire insurance...DO YOU HAVE BOMB INSURANCE?!
Link
Dear Zelda,
I'm back...
Heh heh ha! How many hellfire rats does it take to burn down a horse race?
Hellhole Ratman
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Dear Hellhole Ratman,
I guess I'll tune in next week to find out?
Zelda
My dear Marth,
I don't understand much about you. And I'm guessing you won't answer my question but just goof off with Link and Roy. Um, I don't know...Since I guess you're playing for both teams and I have a crush on you...I'll ask...do you know what's wrong with my boyfriend...I mean I feel as if we are drifting farther apart like two cheerios in a bowl of milk...He doesn't talk to me as much and he seems a bit irritable...but...when we make out its so ...good, and I get all...tingly and I see shonen-ai of Zoro and Sanji from One Piece [random but true] I love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul and loving him has almost become like breathing...it'd be foolish to stop. Marth, can you help me? And maybe Princess Zelda...or Link...not Roy...he's too childish...
You're half a world away, but in my mind I whisper every single word you say. And before you sleep at night. You pray to me your lucky star your singing satelite.
Bikki-Chan~
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Dear Bikki-Chan,
I would say you are drifting apart, especially if you're thinking of other men. (I.E. me) I mean I know it's hard to resist me and all-
Someone's not conceited.
Ahem...but if you want to keep things interesting with your boyfriend, try to do completely and totally crazy things all the time. Try to make each day new. Try to find new and interesting experiences for the two of you. Mix and match, make it fresh. That's all I can honestly suggest.
Marth and Zelda
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