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Dear Zelda,
I've got a series of questions for you:
Hit or Run? Blood or Tears? Pure or Simple? Rise or Fall? Implode or Explode? Supply or Demand? Trial or Error? Bound or Determined? Crime or Punishment? Hide or Seek? Odds or Ends? Research or Developement? Nature or Nurture?
Thank you. Quiet, Cunning, Angry, Sylvan, Centaur From Prison Monastary #8
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Dear Centaur,
That's quite a lot of questions...
Hit Tears Pure Rise Implode Demand Trial Determined Punishment Hide Odds Research Nature
Uh...you're welcome.
Zelda
Dear Zelda,
i know you think peach is a whore ( i do to ) but what do you think about her sister daisy? i think she is a whore to so it must run in the family. i mean come on the only reason why she likes mario is because he is a plumber and she gets to see his ass a whole lot.
* wolfie *
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Dear wolfie,
Wow, I wasn't even aware they were even related. I mean look at the hair. The eyes are similar. I guess they have different father's. And that right there says ENOUGH I'd say. So yeah, that's what I think of that whole family.
Zelda
Dear Zelda and Marth,
Is this where alllll the e-mail goes? Anyways. I have a few questions for Marth and Zelda of you(I love you Link, but......)
Marth: Is your hair naturaly blue? Do you think you'll ever get a girlfriend/wife? Kids? What's your favorite spot around the castle?
*flips hair*
Zelda: Do you love anyone besides Link? Have you ever heard of Him?
I like him. I think you and Marth are a great couple, do you think it would work?
Link.. I think Kaiba could kick your butt.. *flips hair*
Mush love!
Kinishiri, Princess of Benkar(South of Altea) I love your manly tiara! (No funniness)
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Dear Kinishiri,
I love a lot of people. But you see, Kinishiri. There are different types of love. The kinds of love that span from brotherhood, to friendship, and then at last...to true love. So yes, I love a lot of people. As for the person you displayed? He uses his hand as a tissue, and that disturbs me.
Why yes it's a natural blue. I know so, because when we were kids, Roy would make fun of me and call me old. You know..."blue hair"? As for a girlfriend or a wife, I don't know...it's not in my close future, so I don't really worry about it that much. Kids? Who would -want- kids after having to deal with Roy. You know, in a way...he's kinda like my underling...
I'M NOT YOUR UNDERLING!
*whispers something to Roy*
...
EWWW! THAT WAS AN INNUENDO?! *runs away screaming*
Link!
What? It's fun to poke fun at him!
As for his favorite spot? I bet it's somewhere around Link. -_-'
*winks*
Zelda Marth Roy and Link
To Zelda,
Impa
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Dear Impa,
For the last time, you don't know how to draw. Stop posting your fantasies here. I -will- give you a pink slip!
Zelda
Dear Zelda
Do you have any videogame friends you like to hang out with? If so, I'm one you should consider. I also have someone I need to get rid of, she won't leave me alone.
Signed Sonic the hedgehog
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Dear Sonic,
Ooooh no you don't. I don't want that hammer wielding FREAK hanging around me either. The ONLY thing we share is our favorite color. And that's IT. You bring her around me, you lose a limb, got it?!
Zelda
Dear Link,
I caught Epona! Come by at noon so I can get you too! I want to catch you too.
On a side note, what kind of Keaton'mon do you have?
Ash Ketcham, Pokemon Master, Soon to be a Keaton'mon Master
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Dear Ash,
So that's where she went...
OH DIN EPONA! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! YOU CAUGHT MY -HORSE-?!?!?!
Zelda and Link
Dear Roy,
see heyar CRACKER u done dissed ma posse yo, me an my homies r cuming to bust yo punk ass up bitch, u think u hawd u aint shit dawg we gonna bust so many caps in yow ass u ganna be saying....wow thats a lot of busted caps, well be coming up from the east side tomorrow cause its a long salk an aur ride got ganked, maaaan so shit u getting fucked up like the pissey bitch u is dawg
Dariulizzle the hardcore G DAWG
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Dear reader,
You know Roy is at the bottom rung when the only mail he receives is this.
HEY!
Zelda and Roy
Help! I need fuel or wood or something! Quick!
A Fire named Bob
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Dear fire named Bob,
Dude, you've already taken down all of Kokiri forest. I THINK you've had enough. This is an intervention, Bob. You need to smoke out, HEAR ME? YOU NEED TO SMOKE OUT.
Zelda
Dear Senor Link,
I hearded you were looking for a new ride since I hearded Epona left you. She sez you got fat and waz sick of octorok flying thingies. After my siesta I'd like to know if you want me to fill in for a while. I may smell like tacos, I can't go fast, and I need mucho siestas I'll do it for cheap, hombre.
Pablo Goat
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Dear Pablo,
Great. Now I own a goat.
Hyrule's greatest hero! He stumbles into town, riding his trusty steed, Pablo the goat! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
NOT FUNNY.
At least you can make goat's milk and cheese, right? If anything, sell him to Malon for another horse.
BUT I DON'T WANT ANOTHER HORSE. I WANT EPONA! *cries*
People in Hell want ice water...
...but that doesn't mean they get it.
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
What do you do when you are being chased by mutant pancakes?
Love Malonaria
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Dear Malonaria,
Create an all-powerful super fork and dig in.
Zelda
Dear... Everyone? (Save for Roy)
If you people don't come onto the forum soon, I'll hunt you all down, rip out your innards, burn them over a fire, feed them to the dogs, and burn down your room like I did Marth's... 'Course, since I already burned down Marth's... I'll just melt his Tiara.
So anyway, Nintendo should stop being greedy and give distribution rights to Microsoft and Sony... Actualy, we can't trust anything with Microsoft... And Sony realeses too many sequels...
Did I tell you I saw Advent Children on the weekend? It was kick ass. Yup... I'll just keep on droning here:
Link, did you know you misspelled Touchè? Roy... You're a bitch. Marth... ... ... ... ... ... ... *Takes Tiara and melts it*
Okay, I'm bored now... That wasted a good five minutes... Thanks
HAGEL HURO! TOD ZUM ROY! US ZUSAMMEN VERBIETEN LASSEN UM IHN ZU BESIEGEN!
-- Huro
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Dear Bit- I mean Huro,
You DO realize that almost all of the Zelda games is a sequal of some sort from an original? If anything if we went under their wing, we'd FLOURISH! FLOURISH LIKE GREAT KINGS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I like the thought of remaining just Nintendo and not whoring myself to anything else. It's bad enough that my image is spread across all creation, being seen with thousands of men that I wouldn't touch with a twenty foot pole. Sorry, but Link is such a sell-out. I mean look at Soul Calibur II?
On top of that, he wears a PURPLE TUNIC. What FAG wears a -purple tunic-?
SHUT UP.
Zelda Roy and Link
Dear Zelda
i was looking at your site and i saw the picture with link and dark link making out i don't know about you but i saw some toung, but do you think he is bi or gay. o well i still think he is hot unless he is bi or gay then i dont. but did his hat really stink? well i guess it would he's had the same one ever since he was a kid. o well.
from wolfie
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Dear wolfie,
I think the questions and issues regarding whether or not Link is bi or gay has been long since answered. *coughs*
*coughs as well*
...?
Dear Ganondorf,
Is it true you have a stuffed animal named "Ganny"
Zelda Fan
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Dear Zelda fan,
Is it true? Do you honestly think the King of all that is solace and wrong would have such a childish trinket?
He keeps it under his pillow at night.
BLASPHEMY!
Ganondorf and Link
Dear Marth, (first)
Alright then, I have the photos and they're in your personal e-mail. Your welcome beauti... I mean friend. ^.^
To Zelda,
So, what exactly are you looking for in life, anyway? Do you like cuppachino? Have you read any of 8-bit Theatre? Has Marth ever talked about me? *dashing Dark Angel pose* Did you like your Secret Santa gift of 2002? I apologize for never telling you it was me. Okay I'm done being curious about you for now.
To Link,
Kissing a piranha? Come come now, Link... surely Zelda isn't that lethargic. Besides, being bitten is fun, Link. Take my word for it. ~.^
Sephiroth
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Dear Sephiroth,
Looking for in life? Why to rule the world of course.
Wait...should I start battling you like I do Ganondorf now?!
No, Link. I was trying to be funny. Apparently you have no way to detect sarcasm. I do enjoy a good pumped up coffee every now and then. Mostly when idiots like Link are around and my nerves are at their breaking point. No, I haven't read any of what you call this...8-bit theatre. As for Marth talking about you, he muttered something in his sleep about dark angels. But he was sorta swatting at the air, so it's hard to judge exactly WHAT was going on. My secret Santa gift? Dude it was filled with BATS. And they got in my HAIR.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. That's my Sephy. I'll uh, travel by my email sometime today and check that out.
I don't know what kind of kinky fantasies you live, Sephiroth. But having my lips torn off isn't something I'd enjoy. Not in the slightest.
Come hither, Link.
Zelda Marth and Link
Dear Zelda,
We live in a sex-obsessed world, don't we?
Love Malonaria
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Dear Malonaria,
I hear ya, there.
So Marth came from the store today. And he had these interesting fuzzy dice. I said to him "I don't know how you intend to play yatzee with dice like that. Did you intend to make them fuzzy so that we wouldn't wake Zelda up when we played?". All he could do was give me a funny glance. Then he sorta walked away really really sad. Did I say something wrong?
GOD SICK. Did you even READ what the dice said on them?!
...
Well yeah. One said "nibble". Does that stand for 6?
GOOD LORD YOU DISGUST ME, MARTH.
*slaps her forehead*
Zelda Roy and Link
Hey Zelda!
Hi, I'm friends with Bikki-Chan, I go by the name Zolo. I have a question for you. Is Link still engaged to Princess Ruto? I got annoyed when she postponed the wedding and no one brought it back up in the other games. Was that just to make the player know that Link was super HYPER SEXY and no woman [or man] could resist him? Or was it just randomly there?
Thank you...meow
From, Roronoa Zolo [Roronoah Zoro] >]
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Dear Zolo,
Well she understood that he never really intended to marry her. That he really only wanted the Zora's Sapphire. Plus she was to be a sage and all of that happy stuff...so I guess she just realized that it wasn't meant to be...
Hell no that's not what happened. In reality she was hiding some eggs that she never told me about. Bitch gets around.
...did you just say "meow"?
Zelda and Link
Dear Princess Zelda;
Have You ever heard of the band System of a Down? i If so Do you like them and what is your favorite song by them?
Your loyal fan Michael
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Dear Michael,
Can't say that I have...
Forest.
well..that was quick.
Zelda and Link
Dear Link,
Can you go beat up Vaati for me? His hat laughed at me... o.o Yes, you heard me! Laughed! And then he started petting it... It was really disturbing... so I wouldn't mind if you would be so kind as to go ahead and slash him up a bit for me. Oh. And DL says hi, and that he's going to kill you someday.
Sincerely, Coufee
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Dear Coufee,
Well I can't -really- be held responsible for what his hat does. I mean that thing is the evilest of all evil. It beat me in poker the other day, and I still haven't recovered. I thought I was the poker master. *sobs*
Poker in the bummer, you mean.
ROY!
Zelda Roy and Link
Dear Zelda,
i can understand why you don't give link a reward kiss it's because you are playing hard to get. and that worked i mean he's all over you as a girl i can understand this. i do it sometimes and it works to. but i think you can at least give him a hug or something. omg i need to get together with you for a girls night out i am in desperate need of one.
Alex
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Alex,
I've given that boy MANY hugs. He just hasn't said anything. RIGHT, LINK?
*muffled screams*
Right.
Zelda mmf mmmfhg
Dear Zelda,
Teeth butchers do am head butchers for tooth am head. French styrofaoming cartoon am helping but am needing milk to cottage cheese. Am that old am wives boxing tail? Am me memory, dream, or real life with indesructibleing drills am and am constructioning worker for damage dome and settler mutant? No air.
Lumpy cat am eye wind man from backdooring windows.
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Mao,
I'm sure you'll get your situation fixed one way or another. If you need any help, consult Link.
HOW does she understand what he's saying?!
(I'm really winging it.)
Zelda and Link
Dear Zelda,
I'm not good anymore because I tried being nice for a while, and it was Boring!
Peace sucks. Everything is so uneventful if there's no conflict going on, so I'm sort of doing the world a favor by providing violent entertainment for people to read about in the news.
On another note, I got to go to my friend Augustus' party. He's a chimera, and is one of the coolest kinds too: Goat, Shark, and Ocelot! This guy's got ocelot fur and claws, a goat head and hooves, and shark fins and gills! Well the party was a blast too. There was a guy juggling dynamite, and enough human sacrifice to paint a blue whale red! By the end there was almost enough rubble to hide the bodies. Almost.
I lost a title to a demonic goose yesterday, so I tried like hell to get a couple new ones. Behold, I am no longer the Gnasher of Souls!
Tiamat, Avatar of Woe, Thief of Breath, Gold Card Member of the Meter Room, Defacer of the Saintly, Drinker of Innocent Blood, Ultimus of the Graveborn
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Tiamat,
Good to see that you had a good time at your party...no matter how sadistic and evil it was. Why wasn't Ganondorf invited? Is he too "innocent" for you guys?
ONLY BORING PEOPLE GET BORED!
...way to insult there, Link.
Zelda and Link
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